DR. WALLACE: I'm nearly 16 years old, and I have a bit of a problem. I've never been super popular with other students, so I don't have a lot of friends. Fortunately, I do have a couple of close, good friends. I really like them and truly value their friendship. But I would also like to know a few more people, even just casually so that I can have a few more random conversations here and there. I don't expect everyone to become a close friend, so what I'm saying is that I would like to build up a bigger list of friendly acquaintances. I'm generally somewhat outgoing by my nature, but around other kids my age, I'm kind of quiet and keep to myself.

I think I don't meet or interact with many other kids my age because I'm a bit overweight. I've tried losing weight, but it's hard because I have my mom's body and body structure. You could say we have big bones and a thicker body type than most people.

Do you think I can be overweight and still be a popular person? How do I do this? I'd like to try, if I knew how to start. — Big Friendly Girl

BIG FRIENDLY GIRL: Your weight is absolutely not a prerequisite to being popular or having more friends! Having a different body type does not stand in the way of maintaining an active social life. You might be surprised to find that up to 95% of all teens of both genders feel their body type is not good and are self-conscious about it at times. This is just part of the life experience of the average teenager.

How overweight young people perceive themselves can affect the ways others respond to them socially. It sounds like you're potentially suffering from a bit low self-esteem, and this is very common at your age. Do not be your worst enemy and exclude yourself from being social! If you act like you don't want to be included, then that's exactly what will happen.

Develop a positive self-image, and learn to recognize and lean on your strengths as you go through each day. You mentioned being outgoing by nature, so start there, and feel free to initiate brief, easy conversations whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Recognizing your personal strengths gives you the platform from which to step forward without anxiety and allows you to interact comfortably with others. People respond to the image you project. By being upbeat and friendly and using a pleasant tone of voice, you encourage people to see the wonderful personality you have, and quite soon, they will get to know you.

Maintaining a positive attitude rather than dwelling on your weight is important when meeting new people. While, of course, people can be attracted to you regardless of what you weigh, no one appreciates hearing someone complain over and over about his or her weight.

Being active is the key to opening up social avenues. A moderate workout or other physical activity with friends or even on your own may bring you in contact with others who similarly seek to work out and build up their health and stamina. Exercise is also a great counter to depression and even depressing thoughts. Why? Because individuals who work out typically feel good and proud about their healthy workouts. This increases self-esteem and leads to increased confidence.

Being too focused on being overweight takes time. While you are building your self-esteem, you will begin to see yourself as the attractive, interesting and wonderful person you truly are. Soon enough, others will see the same.

HELP, I CAN'T SING!

DR. WALLACE: During the holidays, everyone sings Christmas songs, and it sounds wonderful. I wish I could join, but I can't sing at all! Is there anything I can do to fit in when everyone else is singing a nice Christmas carol? — Tone Deaf, via email

TONE DEAF: Start by humming the tune to the melody the best you can when you're in a group singing situation — at a low volume, of course! By humming, you will be focusing on the melody, not the words, and that's a key place to start.

You can practice in the shower or bathtub, or even in your car, if you have access to one. Try to practice a tune or two wherever and whenever you can get some privacy to truly get started in earnest. Repetition helps in singing just like it does in so many other areas of our lives. By no means does a lot of practice mean that you'll soon be singing like an angel, but at some point, I'm confident you'll find that you have improved quite a bit from the place you started out from.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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