DR. WALLACE: I live with my mom, and we get along OK, but she's kind of angry all the time. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I want us both to be happy and get along since we live under the same roof. After all, we are mother and daughter.

My mom and dad got divorced two years ago, and they don't get along. They argue all the time about everything, from what I can gather. I actually see this in person sometimes, but other times, I can hear my mom on her phone in the midst of "verbal combat" with my father. It's sad, and this situation kind of depresses me.

I've found that the less my mom and I discuss my father, the happier she seems to be. But whenever the conversation drifts to discussing something about my dad, my mom seems to tense up, and our conversation definitely becomes a bit more edgy.

Is there anything I can do to turn things around and make my mom more relaxed and even happy once in a while? I'd sure like to keep her in a positive mood as often as possible, especially because, believe it or not, she actually does have a good sense of humor. Go figure! — Tense Household, via email

TENSE HOUSEHOLD: Be honest with your mom that all of the arguing that you hear makes you feel a bit depressed at times. But go beyond just pointing this out to her. Seek to tap into that fine sense of humor your mother possesses.

Seek out a few funny movies, comedy shows or even stand-up comedian acts that she might enjoy watching with you. Do your best to help her relax and realize that the two of you have each other's backs and that she can count on you to cooperate and stay happy in her presence. Maybe even get a blank card with an envelope and write her a short note telling her how much you love her and how you'll do your utmost to stay upbeat and never argue with her. Seal it up, and write "world's best mother" on the envelope, and give it to her at an appropriate time.

I trust this might help her to relax and count her blessings about having such an upbeat and thoughtful daughter to help her balance her life.

NEW MOM SEEKS SMOOTH ADJUSTMENT

DR. WALLACE: I'm the new stepmother of a nice 13-year-old boy. His father and I just got married this past summer. I don't have any children, so I need a little advice on how to help guide and stepparent him. So far, I have just kind of stayed back and let my husband do most of the parenting, but I know that, at some point, I should engage and become more proactive.

I actually am looking forward to doing this, but I hesitate because I don't want to make any major mistakes and sure would not wish to upset my new son or his father.

I expected that there would be a time of adjustment for the three of us and then I'd wake up one day and everything would feel relaxed and normal, but so far, every new day has felt just as awkward as the previous one. So, now I'm wondering how long the "transition time" will take. How long is normal or usual for a woman in my circumstances? — New Stepparent, via email

NEW STEPPARENT: Please understand things take time, and every case is unique and has its own set of circumstances and dynamics. For example, it may be difficult for your new stepchild to readily accept you or show affection for many reasons, none of which have anything to do with you or how they feel about you.

Appreciate the small moments of contact, and most of all, be supportive and helpful without being sugary-sweet or pushy! I know this is hard to implement, but stay relaxed, pleasant and consistent.

Children respond better over time when the new adults in their family become known fixtures who show love and empathy but give space and don't rush things.

Like most areas of life, becoming a successful stepparent is best achieved by gradually practicing it, course-correcting whenever logic dictates and possessing the true desire to improve and succeed. The fact that you've written here for advice shows you have the qualities you need to succeed. Go forth, and be confident in your new role. You'll soon be much more comfortable in it, and your new son will pick up on this and relax as well. I wish you and your family all the very best!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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