DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have been friends with a male friend for over two and a half years. He's super nice, reliable and has excellent character. We are both high school graduates, and he now goes to a local college in the neighboring town, about 12 miles away. I have stayed in my hometown, and I work in an office. It's a good job, and I enjoy the environment I work in. I work long hours, so I don't have much of a social life away from work. When my guy friend calls or emails me from college, he seems flirty; it's kind of like we have a romantic relationship, which we don't — yet. However, when we are actually together in person, the romance is pretty much gone, and he treats me like a friend; he's very low-key. I'm very confused about the mixed signals he is sending my way. What do you suggest I do? I'd like to explore a possible relationship, but I don't want to completely embarrass myself. Can you understand my dilemma and perhaps give me a few pointers on how to best proceed from here? I feel like I'm a unique exception to the general rule that most guys chase after girls that are friendly to them. — Wishing for More, via email

WISHING FOR MORE: Your type of letter is much more common than you might think. Interestingly, I tend to get more of these types of letters from females than males; it's not even close, given the 5-to-1 gender ratio of female-to-male writers. In your particular case, two and a half years is a very long time to be involved with a guy and not know what his feelings toward you are. I suggest you take steps to give you some indication of where you truly stand. The next time you are alone with this young man, tell him that you don't feel comfortable with your relationship with him! He will likely find that surprising because you've been such good friends. After the initial shock winds down a touch, give him your very best smile (and perhaps a small laugh!), and proceed to discuss the future relationship you wish might play out between the two of you. Yes, it will be frightening to bring this up to him in person. But this is actually good for you. If he has been interested in you and hesitant to try to move things along, you will have taken all of his reasons to hesitate away.

If he tells you he is only interested in friendship, accept that, give him a big hug, and tell him you have another question for him. Tell him you promise this topic will be much easier to discuss! When he agrees to hear your next question, tell him about your long work hours and lonely social schedule. Ask him to refer any quality guys (similar to him!) to you for dates or even a cup of coffee on a weekend morning. This will also give your friend a little time to be sure he's not interested in dating you. And since you like him and his character, his referrals will likely be pretty good ones for you to consider.

This is a lot to think about and discuss, but it's a strategy that will absolutely let you know where you stand with this young man.

I'M UNLUCKY MEETING GUYS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and considered attractive, but for some reason, I am very unlucky when it comes to guys. They just don't dial my number. I've got several girlfriends who don't have as many "physical attributes" as I do, but their telephones are ringing constantly! What should I do to get more attention from boys without going overboard? All of my girlfriends are going out on lots of dates, but I'm stuck at home on Saturday nights. Help! — Looking for Attention, via email

LOOKING FOR ATTENTION: First of all, stop blaming a lack of luck for your problem. Something in your personality or your actions might be holding your social life back. Do your best to think things through in an effort to find out what it may be, if anything. Discuss your concerns honestly with a couple of friends, and ask them to point out anything that might account for the results you are presently getting.

If they can't assist you, have them each talk with a couple of guys who know you, and have the guys give them possible reasons why you are dateless.

Once you are aware of any constructive feedback, work on making any suitable adjustments you feel might help you. Enlisting friends in this manner will provide you with the best opportunity to get honest feedback. And during this process, don't hesitate to ask a few of the guys (and your girlfriends!) to suggest introducing you to suitable potential dates. Good luck!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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