DR. WALLACE: Our 17-year-old daughter and her father (my husband) got into a huge argument. My husband was very angry and told her she was living in his house and if she didn't like it here, to take her belongings and get out.

So this is exactly what she did. She moved in with her best friend and her friend's mother. We haven't heard a word from her since she moved out. I know she is all right because I have talked with the other mother a few times.

I want my daughter to come home. She is a very stubborn and headstrong young lady and I know that she won't return until her father apologizes for telling her, basically, to move. The argument all came about because I found a pack of cigarettes in her room and told my husband. He confronted Karla and a war erupted. My daughter said she was old enough to make her own decision whether or not to smoke. Her father said she didn't have that choice as long as she lived at home. The end result was that I "lost" a daughter.

I love Karla very much and miss her more than I can describe. I want her home now. I want to be part of her life. My husband still refuses to apologize. He firmly believes he has done the right thing. Do you agree with him? I hope not. Since our daughter is only 17, we could force her to return home. However, I do not like this idea. I would rather she returns home because she misses her family. — Mom, Dallas, Tex.

MOM: Teens must abide by their parents' rules, but enforcing them by ultimatum - for example, "Obey me or get out" — is extremely ineffective and often winds up producing disastrous results. You are now living in the wreckage of such a disaster.

Karla called her dad's bluff. It's up to him to apologize and to ask her to return home. The apology should have nothing to do with cigarettes. Yes, smoking is a bad habit, but a direct confrontation over it did no good at all. Your husband should apologize for losing his cool and telling Karla to take her things and to get out. She belongs at home with her parents!

DO YOUR ASSIGNED CHORES

DR. WALLACE: I'm an 18-year-old high school graduate and I have a full-time job as a checker at a grocery store. I still live at home with my parents and two younger brothers. I do want to find my own apartment, but I want to save enough money to be self-sufficient.

I pay my parents $50 a week for food and other expenses. I think this is fair, but I don't feel like I should be given household chores as well. If I don't do them, my mom gets upset and we get into an argument. I don't mind helping out whenever I have time, but I don't like being assigned specific things to do. Your comments, please. — Nameless, Iowa City, Iowa.

NAMELESS: I know you won't like my comment, so it will be short and sweet. Do your assigned chores, smile and tell your mom that you love her. This will avoid all upsets and arguments.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.