DR. WALLACE: My problem is that my Mom is trying to totally run my life. Her reason is probably that my older sister was no angel. She was into everything from staying out late at wild parties, to sex, booze, and smoking pot. So now my mom is really trying to prevent me from having any fun at all, and I'm tired of being a goody-goody. I do have a couple of friends who are thought of as a bit wild, but we are all popular and have fun. Sometimes we go to parties (my mom thinks I'm just over at a friend's house) and once in a while I drink a little, but I know when to stop and pop a couple of peppermints.

I'm only 15, and my mother is all hyped up because she saw me kissing this guy who is 16, but looks a bit older, and now I'm grounded for two weeks, and she wants me to promise I won't see this guy again. I really like this guy and even though I promised, I will see him again because he throws great parties.

My mom also doesn't like me to hang around the teen hangout (no drinks are allowed there) because there are too many boys there. Of course there are, that's why my girlfriends and I go there. How can I get my mother to just leave me alone to have a little fun? — Nameless, St. Louis, Mo.

NAMELESS: Your mother loves you and wants only what is best for you and would prefer you were not a "wild child" like your older sister. I can see that extracting promises from you would have no effect because you would have no intention of keeping them. Nor would grounding work for you. This will only cause your relationship with your mother to deteriorate further.

If your mother had written for advice regarding your behavior, I would have recommended that she do everything in her power to improve communication with you, including seeing a family counselor or therapist with you. This person could help her set reasonable limits for you that you will honor and respect.

However, since you're the one who wrote the letter, I can only ask you to take the initiative to improve your relationship with your mom. She is right (and deep in your heart, you know it) to want to rein you in and control your "little wildness," which is a bit much for a 15 year-old. You did not mention how your older sister's life has turned out, but it probably is not as successful and happy as it should have been.

My hope for you and your mother is that an honest "mother-daughter communication" can be established. This is the foundation of a successful family. You should not make any promise you do not intend to keep. Instead, have an honest discussion in order to reach a reasonable compromise with Mom: Some partying is OK, but sex, drinking, and drugs are off limits. And homework should be completed on a regular basis.

You are heading for a life full of trouble and misery if you do not have limits on your behavior. I feel that if you didn't understand this instinctively, you wouldn't have contacted me.

IF HE KEEPS PRESSING YOU FOR SEX, DUMP HIM

DR. WALLACE: I'm only 16, and my boyfriend is constantly pressuring me for sex. I have been denying his wish, but lately he has been asking me if I am a virgin. I keep telling him that this is none of his business, but he keeps insisting that he has a right to know. He has already told me that he is not a virgin.

The other night he had the gall to tell me that I must not be a virgin because if I were a virgin I would have been proud to tell him that I was a virgin. I like this guy, but I don't know how to handle this problem. It seems like we spend most of our time discussing my virginity, or lack of it, and I'm getting upset with this. Please help me deal with this guy. — Upset, Sulphur, La.

UPSET: Your personal life is nobody's business but yours. He's pulling a "con" job on you. If you tell him you're a virgin, he will tell you it's time to have your first sexual experience because you both "love" each other. If you tell him you are not a virgin, he will use that information to his advantage and keep pressuring you.

Tell this guy that you like him, but that if he cares about you he will no longer press you for sex, nor will he inquire about your personal life. If he continues, dump him.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Frederick Dennstedt