DR. WALLACE: I have been reading your column since I was 13. I am now 23 and the mother of two daughters, ages 3 and 1. I always respected your support of the teens who wrote to you. Now I hope you will respond to a parent.

I wish very much to raise my children to be good citizens who are able to resist temptation to avoid unacceptable behavior, including drug and alcohol use. Please tell me what you would consider the three most important things my husband and I can do to raise children who are God-fearing, country-loving model citizens who will respect every living creature. — Mom, Rock Island, Ill.

MOM: What you ask is so important that I couldn't stop at three. Here are five things that mothers and fathers can do to be effective parents:

1. Lead by example. Children are very observant. The lives you and your husband lead will influence your children more than any advice or instruction you give them.

2. Be good listeners. Most of us talk too much and listen too little. Be extremely attentive to what your children are saying, and be ready to listen when they're willing to talk.

3. Hug your children daily and tell them you love them.

4. Provide them with spiritual guidance.

5. Make raising your children your life's highest priority.

HE'S PUTTING ON EXTRA WEIGHT

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend, who is 21 (I'm 19), has what I would call a drinking problem. He admits he drinks a lot but says he never gets drunk, which is true, but he also says he is not addicted to alcohol and can quit drinking at any time. When I encourage him to stop, he says he'll stop when he's ready. He rarely drinks the hard stuff, but he sure enjoys his beer.

I don't mind if he has a couple of beers while watching a football game on the weekend, but I do object to his drinking a six-pack in his apartment after we've gone out for dinner. He also has been putting on a lot of extra pounds lately. He is now sporting a noticeable beer belly.

Are there any clear-cut danger signs in his behavior that indicate alcoholism? — Ashley, Columbus, Ohio.

ASHLEY: If he habitually puts away a six-pack after he has dinner with you, then yes, he has a problem. Indeed, one indication of a drinking problem is a person's refusal to curtail his intake even though loved ones have begun to suffer from it.

Almost every hard drinker says he can stop whenever he wants to, but "whenever" never arrives. It sounds to me like it's time to give your boyfriend an ultimatum: If "whenever" doesn't arrive immediately, the relationship is over, never to return.

WEAR A HELMET WHEN ON A BICYCLE

DR. WALLACE: I appreciated your column telling children of all ages to wear a certified helmet when they ride a bicycle. But you should have mentioned that parents should also wear helmets. I have often seen families riding by our house and the parents are not wearing helmets. Aren't they the most important people in their children's lives? — Estelle, Memphis, Tenn.

ESTELLE: Thanks for noticing my oversight. Parents are indeed the most important people in their children's lives and they, too, should wear a properly fitting, certified helmet. They must protect themselves from injury because they are the most important people in the lives of their children, and they need to also set a good example.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Quinn Dombrowski