DR. WALLACE: I live with my mother and younger brother. My parents were divorced two years ago. Even though my father lives 100 miles away, my brother and I are very close to him and love him very much. He is a good father.

My mother is also a good mother. She cares for us the best she knows how. She and our father are friendly and that makes it easier on everybody when we spend time with him. I was hoping that someday our parents would get back together, but deep down I knew this probably would never happen. Now I'm sure of it.

Last night our mother informed my brother and me that she's going to start dating a guy who works with her. I've seen the guy before and he seems OK, but it's hard to accept that our mother is dating. It just doesn't seem right.

Also, I don't envision this guy being my stepfather. He could never replace my father. My dad is tall and handsome while this guy is relatively short and very average. It blows my mind that my mom would date this type of guy. If he were a teen, he'd be called a nerd.

I know our mother would like for us to accept this guy, but I don't think this will ever happen, unless you can tell me what to do to make it happen. — Nameless, Elgin, Ill.

NAMELESS: This is a deeply confusing situation for all children of divorce, but an unavoidable one. After a marriage falls apart, Mom and Dad have to pick up the pieces and move on with their lives; more often than not, it means dating and perhaps remarrying.

I realize how hard your mother's decision to start dating is for you and your brother to accept, but your thoughtful, articulate letter tells me you have many resources that will allow you to handle it. The key is to get your concerns out into the open. Don't bury them.

In other words, talk things over thoroughly with Mom. A frank discussion can lead to a good way of handling this situation. Remaining silent about it will lead only to resentment and bitterness.

While the happiness of you and your brother is crucial, you have to be willing to look at the matter from your mother's point of view as well as your own. She loves the two of you with all her heart, I'm sure, but she needs and deserves a social life of her own. Accepting this basic fact will lay the groundwork for everyone's future happiness.

You should also be aware that simply going out with a co-worker means very little. This is a long way from establishing a relationship and remarrying. Nevertheless, I urge you not to manufacture hostility toward this guy simply because he seems like a "nerd." This is mean-spirited judgment and hardly fair.

From your letter, I sense that there is a great deal of love in your family, despite the divorce. In an atmosphere of love, frank communication can lead to solutions that satisfy everyone. I'm pulling for you!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: David Amsler