DR. WALLACE: I've been dating this guy "on and off" for over two years starting in high school and continuing now in community college. When we are together, we have a wonderful time. He is humorous and very much a gentleman. But when we have a disagreement he is loud, uses filthy language, punches the windows of my car, inflicts physical pain and then tells me that I'm a good-for-nothing wetback, or worse. That's because my parents were born in Mexico.

My best female friend keeps telling me this guy is guilty of dating violence and that I should stop seeing him. I have considered dumping him, but I always think that he will become a gentleman full-time. To be honest, I never have considered this guy to be the "dating violence" type of guy.

I would appreciate your assessment and advice regarding his behavior. — Kelly, Long Beach, Calif.

KELLY: In the Liz Claiborne handbook, "Women's Work," dating violence is defined as "a pattern of violent behavior that someone uses against a girlfriend or boyfriend."

The handbook further explains that "Abuse can cause injury and even death, but it doesn't have to be physical. It can take many forms, including threats, emotional abuse, insults, isolation from friends and family, name-calling and controlling what someone wears or with whom they socialize. It can also include sexual abuse. It can happen to anyone, at any age, no matter what their race, religion, level of education or economic background."

The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that more than 90 percent of all relationship abuse victims are female, and most abusers are male.

The above handbook lists these 10 Warning Signs of Dating Violence that every girl, parent and friend should be aware of:

1. She apologizes for his behavior and makes excuses for him.

2. She loses interest in activities that she used to enjoy.

3. She stops seeing friends and family members and becomes more and more isolated.

4. When she and her boyfriend are together, he calls her names and puts her down in front of other people.

5. He acts extremely jealous of others who pay attention to her, especially other guys.

6. He thinks, or tells your daughter, that you (her parents) don't like him.

7. He controls her behavior, checking up on her constantly, calling and paging her, demanding to know who she has been with.

8. She casually mentions his violent behavior, but laughs it off as a joke.

9. You see him violently lose his temper, striking or breaking objects.

10. She often has unexplained injuries or the explanations she offers don't make sense.

I believe your boyfriend has a serious flaw in his character, and it will remain a serious issue until he receives professional help. I believe your friend has given you good advice. Stop seeing this guy immediately!

YOUNG WOMEN START WISING UP

GIRLS: A few generations ago, few teenage girls smoked or drank. Now they indulge in these vices as much as, or more than, boys their age, according to American Girl Magazine. While guys drink to get drunk, girls drink in order to fit in and gain acceptance.

Teen girls have now passed boys in the percentage of smokers, according to the American Lung Association. Equality for females has been a long time coming, and it's wonderful that it's finally here, but this is the downside. I hope liberated young women start wising up about their health!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.