DR. WALLACE: I'm a 21-year-old female college student, and I've got a younger sister who just turned 16 and is quite precocious. She's always been a bright girl, very inwardly driven and a good student.

She has a few friends but doesn't buy into the whole friendship and social circle network as her reason for her existence as a high school student. She was quite interested a few years ago in asking me what I was going to study in college and what field I was going to pursue as a career path.

So now that she's on her way to finishing high school relatively soon, I thought it would be a good time to ask her what her future goals were. I expected her to tell me about some field of study she would like to pursue or a future career that she might find interesting. But instead, she simply looked at me and immediately said, "My goal is to be unexpectedly virtuous in all situations."

On one level, I was very surprised to hear that answer, but on another level, knowing her like I do, I guess it's really not all that surprising. When I tried a follow-up question to see if I could get her to at least give me a hint of what she was thinking about studying or doing later in life, she referred me back to her first statement. She said that if she is able to control her behavior, no matter what the world throws at her, the correct path will open up in front of her when the time is right.

Do you think this is normal? Should I just let the discussion go at this point regarding her future, or would it be appropriate to try to engage in a more intellectual discussion to see what I can find out? I love my sister and want to help her, of course, but she's definitely not making it easy for me to do so. Simply waiting for the world to open the door for her and roll a carpet out under her feet doesn't sound like a good game plan to me. — Want to Help My Younger Sister, via email

WANT TO HELP MY YOUNGER SISTER: It sounds as if your sister answering your inquiry in that way she did indicates that she's not ready yet. You're interested in a discussion about her future, and her clever comment is being used to deflect a discussion she does not want to enter into right now. It's highly unlikely that she hasn't given any thought about her future at all at this point, so it's perhaps best to not press her and make her feel pressured to discuss things and justify her future plans, whatever state of development they may or may not be in.

So stay off of that topic for a while, but engage her in all the other normal ways and continue to talk to her about things you two have in common, things you enjoy doing together, or mutual interests the two of you have always discussed in the past. It's far better to stay close and in conversation than to be judgmental from afar.

I DON'T WANT THE BURDEN OF YET ANOTHER SECRET SANTA EVENT!

DR. WALLACE: To my complete dismay, my circle of friends at my college approached me with a group idea to do a "secret Santa" gift exchange this year. I already have to do one at my job, and I absolutely can't stand it. People get all caught up in it where I work, and every year when it's over, they ask me what gift I purchased, and I simply won't tell them because I don't want to elongate the whole process. I usually make a comment on the fact that it's supposed to be a secret and that I'm good at keeping secrets.

But now there are about eight of us who are really close friends, and I'm not thrilled at all to have to go out soon and buy another gift for this purpose for my friend group. It's so awkward, as I don't specifically know who's going to receive the gift, so I never know what to buy, and I certainly don't need an extra gift from anyone! My family's gift exchange is more than enough for me, so I truly wish I could opt out, but I'm afraid I'm going to get roped into yet another secret Santa charade this December.

Is there a diplomatic way to let my close friends know that I'm just not interested in this? I don't mean to be a grinch or anything like that, but I just think the whole thing is a huge waste of time and energy. — Not Interested in Secret Santa, via email

NOT INTERESTED IN SECRET SANTA: Since you've articulated your disdain for this process well, and because you're already involved at your workplace, why not propose something different to your friends?

Perhaps you could propose a one-on-one outing with another member of your group in which the "Santa" person takes the other person on a "surprise" outing for an afternoon or an evening? The Santa arranges everything, lines it all up, pays for everything and does their best to be a fun and friendly host. Your group could absolutely set a cap on the amount of money to be spent, if any money is spent at all.

It would also be good if the two outings each person would go on involved different people. This means the person that you hosted would not be the person who would host you, as it would be someone else from the group. You could all agree to keep the outings private and quiet until a future group get-together, perhaps immediately after the holidays, in which you could all share your experiences together in a large group discussion. It might be a crazy thought, but at least it's something different. You can suggest this versus going out and commercializing your relationships with a small, often meaningless consumer product of some sort. Experiencing an outing together in a one-on-one setting may be much more enjoyable as a holiday celebration if everyone agrees to the feasibility of giving it a try.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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