DR. WALLACE: My 16-year-old younger brother is constantly getting into trouble at our home. He gets upset easily, and when a heated discussion starts with one of our parents, he lets loose comments that I know, the moment they come out of his mouth, will get him grounded. He doesn't necessarily go after our parents directly; he'll be talking about someone else or a third party, and he'll use either bad words or extremely disparaging words when referring to these people he is upset with.

I know he's a decent kid underneath it all, so it pains me to see him go down in flames repeatedly. For the last three months, it feels like he's been on restriction twice as often as he's had any freedom. I've tried talking with him a couple of times and have warned him to calm down, but when the moment arrives, he doesn't hold back, and once he lets loose, he's doomed.

I feel helpless, because I certainly can't get inside his mind to try to stop him before the trouble occurs. Do you have any ideas or recommendations on how I could help him? — My Brother Lashes Out Poorly, via email

MY BROTHER LASHES OUT POORLY: It's commendable that you tried to reach out to your brother to tell him to cool his jets when it comes to these issues, but he needs something strategic rather than just an admonition to "knock it off."

Sit down with your brother and tell him that you have an idea that will help him in advance of any future discussions similar to the ones that are repeatedly getting him grounded. Work with him in advance on words or phrases that will convey his frustration, but ones that will not be vulgar or derogatory. Your brother appears to be blurting things out in the heat of the moment that are not appropriate.

Do your best to help him prepare and memorize some phrases or sayings that can help him to get some of his frustrations off of his chest, but to do so in a reasonable way. Tell him how great he will feel in the future after he successfully holds a conversation in which he can be heard, but not be punished, by his word choices and tone. Tell him he has the power and ability to do this, so he should work with you to be ready the next time a hot topic comes up. You definitely need to approach this subject with him using finesse, but I trust you are up to this and that it will be well worth your best efforts.

MY CLOSE FRIEND NEEDLES OTHERS RELENTLESSLY

DR. WALLACE: I have a close high school friend who has been agitating a lot of our mutual friends and acquaintances lately. The reason is that he finds out certain things about people and then he "needles" them in kind of an unstoppable and unrelenting manner. He seems to enjoy trying to get under their skin, and when they finally do react, I notice he has a very happy facial expression in those moments. But his joy is everyone else's frustration. Many people have come up to me privately and told me to get my friend to stop this very demeaning and inappropriate behavior.

I've told him before that it's not wise to do this because it won't be long until everyone turns on him. But thus far, my warnings to him have gone unheeded. How can I get him to stop this behavior, as I know it's getting on everyone's nerves much more than he realizes? — My Friend Is Out of Control, via email

MY FRIEND IS OUT OF CONTROL: We all have the ultimate control over our thoughts, actions, and in particular our words. Let him know that friendship is a voluntary two-way street, and this applies not only to close friends, but also to mutual acquaintances and friendly people within an extended circle of friends.

Simply tell him that you choose to hang around with people who are reasonable with others, and that you find his behavior to be unreasonable. Tell him that you've witnessed his facial expressions and that you find his entire "act" quite inappropriate and unsavory. It may seem quite harsh, but you should tell him that if he's going to continue to act that way, you don't want to socialize with him to the degree that you have in the past.

Just tell him it's a dealbreaker for you, and that you've spoken to many others who haven't been brave enough to speak up about this issue, so you're doing it on behalf of many people. Tell him that the remedy to his situation is quite easy, as he can make the mental decision to stop doing this, and if it ceases immediately, he can continue socializing within the circles he's become familiar with as long as he treats everyone in a respectful way.

And to properly cap this off to the best effect, he should absolutely apologize to each individual he has teased in the past. Most people are very forgiving if an apology is sincere and the improper behavior permanently ceases.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Brett Jordan at Unsplash