DR. WALLACE: My best friend and I are two guys starting to enjoy our junior year of high school more and more. We are now well into our school routine for this year, and it feels great to be "upperclassman" rather than freshman or sophomores, who are at the lower part of the food chain, especially at our high school.

We both are very interested in dating some of the nice girls our age, but I noticed something interesting. My friend will ask a girl that he is interested in going out on a date, but if she declines his offer, he will literally never look at her or speak to her again! But I'm the complete opposite, as many times I have asked a girl out on a date and have been turned down, but then I'll continue being friendly but under control to just stay in touch and ask how she's doing later. Of course, not every girl will eventually go out with me, and most of them don't, but according to the numbers I've been calculating in my head, about 25% to 30% of the girls who declined my offer for a date at first will eventually go out with me! I think the key is, I don't ask them out right away again. I just spend a long time talking to them and being friendly whenever I can, letting them know I still think they're great. Three out of 10 in baseball means you're a star hitter!

I've told this to my friend, but because he has a more mellow and easygoing personality, he doesn't feel comfortable talking to a girl or making eye contact with her after he's been turned down. I'd sure like to help him, but I understand his core personality is much different from mine. — My Friend Never Follows Up, via email

MY FRIEND NEVER FOLLOWS UP: Don't start telling your friend to do things exactly the way you do them. Just see if you can get him to make a little bit of small incremental movement in the direction you'd like to help him pursue.

See if you can find opportunities where the two of you together can address a group of girls, in a situation where one of the girls involved is one who declined one of his previous offers for a date. Just getting him to participate briefly in a group discussion with other people, including those he approached previously, will not only be helpful for his confidence but will show all the girls that he is very sincere and interested in continuing conversations so that all parties can enjoy some time together and perhaps get to know each other better.

At that point, over a period of time, you might hear through other people that one of the girls would date your friend if he asked again. If that does come up at some point, you can be the one to tell him to try again because you've heard he will get a positive answer this time! This method will keep him in the game and will shield him from potentially being declined twice by the same girl.

OUR COACH IS QUITE VOCALLY INTENSE ALL THE TIME

DR. WALLACE: I'm a high school athlete, and there's a topic about my coach that I discussed with my father, but we both disagree dramatically on this particular subject. I've tried to reason with my father, but he continues to take the opposite viewpoint, so I thought I would check in with you to see what you think.

My basic issue is, I think our coach is too intense and that he needs to become more mellow overall. We are a very decent team but not a championship one, yet he gets really wound up during every game, every practice and even every close call that occurs during a game. The same thing happens in practice, as he barks at all the players, not just me. He points out everything we've done wrong, and he wants us to correct it immediately!

I think he would connect with us better if he calmed down a bit, tried to reason with us and explained to us why it's important to do things differently than we are apparently doing sometimes. What's your take on this issue? Are coaches allowed to be extremely intense all the time, during practices and competitive games? — Our Coach Is Wound Too Tight, via email

OUR COACH IS WOUND TOO TIGHT: Coaches are all very unique as individuals, although there is a great similarity with a lot of their strategies and desires. They basically all want to see their individual players improve and to see their overall team, if it's a team sport, function consistently, cohesively and in a fluid manner that's best for the success of the group.

In your case, you apparently have the "drill sergeant" style of coach who barks out orders and demands immediate corrections to anything that he feels is incorrect on the moment. You've mentioned that he extends his barking and complaints to referees as well. This is also the hallmark of an intense personality, that of a person with an inner drive to succeed, which at times overtakes some of the peripheral vision that allows some members of this personality style to experience intermittent moments of calmness or even the ability to apply even a touch of humor to break the tension.

Coaches are hired to do a job, not become pals with all athletes. However, they are expected to be professional and conduct themselves with integrity. So yes, coaches are allowed to be intense, up to a point. For you personally, it may make sense to seek out your coach one day after practice and thank him for his guidance, then immediately ask him a question about something related to your technique. End with commenting that you were hesitant to approach him one-on-one at first but that you know his goal is to make every player and the team better, so that's what you decided to do. Sometimes breaking down barriers, even briefly and tactfully, goes a long way toward fostering mutual respect and even camaraderie between a player and a tough, no-nonsense coach.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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