Should I Ask About Her Work Now or Later?

By Dr. Robert Wallace

November 5, 2024 5 min read

DR WALLACE: My new stepmom has been with my dad and me for almost a year now. I'm a girl who is 15, and I don't have any brothers or sisters.

This first year with my stepmom, I've mostly stayed away from her, but I've been polite to her. It's taken a period of time to adjust to living in the house with her and having to share my dad's attention with her every day.

She has a pretty good job as an interior designer, and my dad is an advertising manager. They talk about their jobs in front of me a little bit, but not too regularly, and I generally don't say anything to them about their careers.

However, I've always been interested in fashion, art and design, and I'm curious about exactly what type of projects she works on as an interior designer. I'd love to see what type of work she does and even go with her one day to see what her job is like. But I don't want to be pushy or nosy since it's taken us a long time to kind of be able to talk to each other more comfortably like we have over the past few months.

Do you think I should wait until like another year or two to ask her about her career, or is there some way I could bring it up gently to see how she reacts to me now if I mention it? — I Find Her Job Interesting, via email

I FIND HER JOB INTERESTING: My advice is to give it a lot of thought, but to plan to move ahead! It's the right move to be asking her about her work and career sooner rather than later. It may be easier for you at the first stage to enlist your father to bring up this topic with her. When you're alone with your dad sometime, start by saying that although it's been a big adjustment over the past year, the last few months you're starting to feel more comfortable with your new stepmother. Also mention that you've noticed that she seems to be more comfortable with you as well. From there go on to tell your father that you find her job interesting and ask him if he thinks it would be acceptable for you to ask her more details about what she does for work and if she would even be willing to show you exactly what she does sometime.

This could be an outstanding bonding opportunity for the both of you, and you would certainly learn a lot about an interesting potential career path that you may wish to pursue someday.

I highly recommend parents mentoring children who show interest in any field or endeavor that is tasteful, forthright and a potential career path. It's always good to consider many options when you're a teenager or young adult as finding one's life work is an important element in overall personal satisfaction. You and your new stepmother may be able to take your friendship to a whole new level by spending time together talking a topic you both have a lot of interest in.

THEY WANT ME TO STUDY OVERSEAS AGAINST MY WISHES

DR WALLACE: I'm engaged in a disagreement with my parents. I'm a sophomore in high school, and they want me to spend the entirety of next school year in our home country in Asia. They say it will benefit me and I can learn our home language even better than I already know it.

The thing is, I can speak our home language fluently, and I have no desire to spend a full school year over there and leave my friends here.

My parents are promising me that they'll bring me back for my senior year of high school here in the USA. Do you agree with my perspective or that of my parents? — Don't Want To Go, via email

DON'T WANT TO GO: I agree with your perspective on this issue. Since you already speak the language fairly well, you can always brush up on it or take additional schooling whenever necessary. There's no need to interrupt your schoolwork here in America to spend an entire school year out of the country. Perhaps you could suggest to your parents that you'll go to your home country one summer for a few months to integrate and immerse in the language and culture for a while as that may satisfy this issue from their point of view.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Alyssa Strohmann at Unsplash

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