DR. WALLACE: My daughter takes a really long shower that lasts nearly an hour a day! I have asked her several times to limit it to 15 minutes at most, but she always says she can't get her hair washed the way she wants if she feels rushed.

What can I do about this? I'm a single mother with two daughters, and she's my eldest and is 16. At this age, her appearance is paramount to her existence, it seems. I've tried reasoning with her but to no avail thus far. Any ideas? — A Frustrated Mother, via email

A FRUSTRATED MOTHER: If your mild requests and pleading have not yet delivered the results you wish, you must change your approach. The best way to do this is via consequences. You can also try reasoning as a possible first step as well.

If you opt for reasoning, point out to her that long showers deplete the skin of essential oils and lead to rough and patchy or even scaly skin. Information to this effect is easily located online, so you can document this for her.

A second point of reasoning to use is that of water conservation. Again, statistics are readily available that show that the average household already uses too much water each month. Your daughter's hourlong showers are exacerbating the water demands at your home to unacceptable levels from a perspective of social consciousness and awareness. Mother Earth appreciates it when we marshal and shepherd our resources carefully, and this absolutely is the case with water.

If neither of these two methods of reasoning brings her around, then you must inflict punitive measures, or what we commonly call consequences. You can opt to cut her allowance when she goes over a set time. Perhaps you might set her limit to 20 minutes, and then for every five minutes of excess time she loses more and more of her allowance. If an allowance reduction does not motivate her, then being grounded likely will. You can set the rules and consequences, but something like this should cause her to think twice before using all the excess water she's currently depleting. A step in between grounding and reasoning would be to have her lose the use of her cellphone for a day or longer with each time violation, if she presently has a phone of her own.

A final thought might be to suggest that she learn to wash — or at least prewash — her hair in the sink with a static bowl of water at first. This can help her to get started but not need all that running water for such a long period of time.

In the end, it's up to you as a parent. You must get her to accept one of your "reasoning" options or one of your "punitive" options to change her behavior on this topic. And you can remind her in advance that she has a choice to follow your rules or to not follow your rules. This way, you can explain that she will be responsible for her punishments or lack thereof simply by controlling her own actions.

NOW WHAT CAN I DO?

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old guy. One of my older sister's friends (they are both 18) recently broke up with her boyfriend, and my sister spent six weeks badgering me to go out on a "blind date" with her even though we have seen each other before. My sister's idea was that her friend would look forward to the date and then be really surprised when it was me, but that it would at least give her a nice night out that she could look forward to and get all dressed up for.

So I finally caved in and agreed to do this for my sister. When the time came for the date, I didn't think too much of this girl, so I kind of acted aloof and disinterested throughout the evening on our date together. I also thought that she would likely be disappointed when she saw that her blind date was actually someone she knew, so I never took the date too seriously anyway.

But now that I've had time to think things over for a few weeks, my thinking has changed! I realize now that I like her more than I thought I would and I'd actually like to ask her out again. But I'm worried, since it's now been over two weeks and we've never spoken since that night.

I'm thinking of asking my sister what is going on with her, and I'm pretty sure she's not dating anyone else now seriously anyway. But I'm hesitant to ask my sister for any "inside information," since I was so resistant for so long when she first brought up the idea. Now I don't want to have my sister thinking she was right all along and have to hear her tell me, "I told you so!"

What can I do now? I feel stuck, but I do know that I actually like this girl now that I've had time to digest things. — Delayed Reaction, via email

DELAYED REACTION: I see two issues here, one with each girl. First of all, keep your sister out of this entirely at this point. You already have the history of dragging your feet the first time around, so I don't feel it's in your best interests to ask her questions about her friend at this point.

This brings us to the second girl, your sister's friend that you wish to ask out on a date again. Think carefully, very carefully, about what you would like to say to her and how you'd like to present it. Perhaps explain to her what you told me, that is that you felt you were not a "true blind date" since the two of you had seen each other before.

Tell her that due to that reason, you felt the date was doomed to be just an exercise in "going through the motions." But then tell her the truth. Tell her directly that after the date ended you have had thoughts about asking her out again, this time with no prompting or discussion at all with your sister. This way, she'll know you are being sincere and that you are doing this entirely of your own volition.

She may wish to date you again or she may turn you down, but either way you can hold your head high. And even if she does not respond positively right away, give her at least a few weeks to think things over, just as you did with her.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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