DR. WALLACE: When I was 16, I met a guy named "Eric." He was very sweet to me. For my birthday, he gave me a beautiful crystal figurine and a rose. At that particular time in my life, I had a lot going for me, and I only wanted him for a friend, not a boyfriend. He didn't like that arrangement, so we went our separate ways.
I am now 20 and ready for a relationship, but every guy I meet I compare to Eric, and they all fail miserably. I saw Eric a couple of months ago, but I don't know if he is seeing anyone right now. My question is this: Should I pursue a potential relationship with him now that we are both older? Or should I just leave him alone? I don't want to hurt either of us, but I just can't help wondering, what if? I think of Eric constantly, and I do have an address where he could be reached. Should I contact him at this point of my life, or shouldn't I? — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: You have nothing to lose by contacting Eric, especially since your last interaction with him was civil and the only reason you two did not spend more time together back then was due to your personal "timing." Even if he is attached at the moment, I'm positive he will be glad to hear from you. You'll never have peace of mind when it comes to thinking about him until you make diplomatic contact with him again to see where he is at in his life these days. Good luck.
PLEASE CONSIDER YOUR ANSWER
DR. WALLACE: I'm terribly disappointed that you told a girl to "narc" on her brother just because she caught him and a few friends drinking beer at a party. That's really no big deal. He was just having a few sips to find out what beer tasted like. Aren't you aware that teens go through a period of experimenting with a lot of different things?
I had a few beers myself recently and have decided I don't like the taste, so I've never tried it again. I think that narcing is a worse crime than drinking a few sips of beer in the first place. Nobody, absolutely nobody, likes or respects a narc. My older brother and I are very close, and I would never even consider narcing on him, regardless of what he had done. In fact, if I did, my parents would be more upset at me and would lose respect for me. Please reconsider your answer. It is never right to "narc" on a sibling — never. — Non-Narc, Chicago
NON: Would you inform your parents if you knew your brother was experimenting with cocaine? What if he had a loaded gun in his possession? Would you tell your parents? You would be making a huge mistake if you didn't.
I really think that you're caught up in the word "narc," which has a negative connotation. Alcohol is highly addictive and has caused an enormous amount of trouble for the drinker in the story you are referring to, and it brought pain to his family and loved ones. I advised the girl to inform her parents about her brother's alcohol consumption because she said she loves him and doesn't want any harm to come to him. Telling the parents was absolutely the right thing to do.
NO SECRETS IN A MARRIAGE
DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and engaged to be married to a wonderful guy, who is 22. He treats me like a lady and makes me feel good when I'm with him. I haven't set a date yet, but we would like to get married next year. I've told him everything about my family. He has met my parents, sister, grandparents, aunts and uncles and even some of our very close family friends.
My concern is that my fiance has told me nothing about his family. He refuses to discuss it and has said, basically, that is of no concern of mine. All my close friends and family are telling me not to marry him until he opens up about his family history. He's so secretive that he won't even tell me where he was born. I've asked him what nationality he is, and all he says is, "I'm from the human race." Now I'm starting to have doubts about marrying this guy. What do you think? — Concerned, Las Vegas
CONCERNED: There should be no secrets in a marriage. You have the right to know something about the family background of the man who could potentially be your children's father. Call off the wedding plans until you are comfortable that all his secrets are out in the open. Communication is key to a successful marriage, and you need a lot more of it at this point to make a good decision for your future.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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