DR. WALLACE: I'm a single mother of a 13-year-old and 11 year-old who are basically good kids but definitely mischief makers when it comes to my kitchen. Their older sister is off living in a dorm at her college, so these are the only two children home with me now. They were greatly influenced by their older sister's desire for healthy eating and preparing nutritious food.

An example of the problems they create would be last Wednesday when I came home from work and found little pieces of cauliflower all over the floor in every direction. They had decided to try to cook it in the microwave in some water, but apparently it never softened up enough for them entirely, and pieces went everywhere when they tried to cut into it.

My younger daughter, 13, uses her 11-year-old brother to help her in the kitchen like he's her employee! They try to cook or make a lot of things after school each day. My kitchen is truly a mess almost every day when I get home tired after work. Even though I appreciate what they're doing, I've been hesitant to scold them, complain or correct them about this. I know they mean well, and that's why I haven't said anything or meted out any discipline.

I need a break from a messy kitchen every day. How can I do this in a way that doesn't break their spirits? — My Kitchen Is Their Playground, via email

MY KITCHEN IS THEIR PLAYGROUND: You definitely need to set ground rules and integrate their desire to spend a lot of time in the kitchen into meal preparation for that particular evening. This would give you a leg up on having dinner ready, and hopefully you can sit down with them and schedule specifically what they will be working on in the kitchen when they get home from school.

Children that young and unsupervised need to be extremely careful in the kitchen with knives and other tools/utensils they may be using. Apparently your 13-year-old is very mature for her age given her budding culinary abilities, but still take care to be sure they stay safe.

Make sure to write out a schedule each day and ask them to specifically only do certain tasks in a certain way, always prioritizing safety first and foremost. If your daughter has access to a cellphone, you could have her take photographs and send you brief messages in the afternoon so you can monitor what they're doing if your job allows for the few minutes you'd spend monitoring them.

From time to time, you should ask a neighbor or trusted relative to check in on them and definitely keep in touch with them each day. You could also spend time on the weekend making or preparing certain dishes as a team to coach and educate them on what you're trying to specifically do. Then, as a challenge, they can work the next week on trying to prepare a few of the dishes that you specifically want them to bring to at least some point of progress before you get home.

MY GIRLFRIEND WARNS ME, BUT I THINK HE'S JUST GRUMPY AT TIMES

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl, and my best girlfriend tells me my boyfriend has been emotionally manipulating me. It's true that his moods vary widely sometimes. There are days that he'll praise me, tell me how beautiful I am and how much he cares for me, but then there are other days when he'll criticize what I'm wearing, tell me my hair isn't right or needs to be washed, and he'll always tell me at times like this that I'm lucky that he overlooks these things and still stays in a relationship with me.

It's kind of strange being in this relationship because some days I feel so light and happy in my mind and heart, but then there are other days and times when I don't feel good about myself at all because of the criticism he directs my way. There are times I think that he's just having a bad day or is in a grumpy mood, and then I just hope he gets over it soon.

My girlfriend thinks it's a symptom of a bigger problem, and she's been telling me to be careful with this relationship and to consider moving on due to the way he acts toward me, because she's heard him say a few things a couple of times when he didn't know she was there or was close enough to hear what he was saying. What do you think? — Sometimes He's Just Grumpy, via email

SOMETIMES HE'S JUST GRUMPY: There's definitely a difference between occasional grumpiness and sharp, personal criticism. For example, a grumpy person might occasionally be moody, not speak a lot or not answer a question asked to them in much detail.

But a typical grumpy person does not attack another within a relationship simply due to grumpiness. Therefore, I agree with your friend who is warning you to take care at this time. It does sound like you are receiving the classic mixed messages of manipulation in which you're built up and then torn down repeatedly. This is definitely a red flag and a warning sign that you may be drifting deeper and deeper into a relationship in which a longer-term result could be that you're controlled completely in terms of your time, appearance and who you are allowed to interact with.

Take some time to think about this carefully, and remember that you need to look out for yourself first and foremost at all times. At your young age, there should be several other relationships in your lifetime out in front of you, so don't feel the need to fall prey to the type of manipulation that has been demonstrated to you already.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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