DR. WALLACE: I'm an 18-year-old guy, and so is my best friend. We met years ago in school and thoroughly enjoyed our high school days together. Now we both work at the same job in our town, so we've remained close and have a lot in common.

He's a great guy, but there's one thing that bothers me whenever it happens. He sometimes loses track of time when we're out socially doing things together, or he forgets things he should remember, particularly when it comes to his girlfriend. They get along fine, and she's a very nice girl, but he makes significant mistakes within their relationship at least a couple of times a month.

And whenever this happens, he always wants me to cover for him so that he can "save face" with her. He'll create some emergency story or circumstance out of thin air to explain why he was late or forgot to do something, like meet her somewhere that they had planned ahead of time.

It's not my nature to be dishonest with people, and I don't like to have to remember things so that I don't accidentally get caught in a lie later. For a while, I haven't said anything to him, but because this is definitely a pattern, I'd like to figure out a way to not be used by him to cover for him every time he messes up. I still want to remain his friend, so I don't want to do this in a harsh or condescending way that will cause us to get upset with each other. Any suggestions? — He Always Wants to "Save Face," via email

HE ALWAYS WANTS TO "SAVE FACE": Be prepared from this point forward to have a serious talk with him the very next time he makes one of these ongoing requests. Calmly tell him at that point that you will cover for him one last time but not anymore after that. The key in my opinion is to frame this as you seeking to help him, more than you wanting to avoid your own discomfort. Don't get me wrong, your discomfort is absolutely correct and valid, but don't use that as your reasoning when explaining things to him.

Look him in the eyes and tell him that he's a great friend of yours and you want to help him out going forward. Tell him that after you cover for him this one last time, he's going to be on his own, and this is for his own good. Mention that you're both adults now and that you won't always be around to cover for him when he makes mistakes in the future.

Tell him that he needs to be aware of things that he's promised to do or places he's supposed to be and that he needs to take this seriously, even if he needs to write himself handwritten notes or put notes in his phone.

You can conclude by saying that as he's weaning off using you as a crutch, you're going to remind him to check his schedule and to think if he has any pending plans that he hasn't mentioned previously. You don't have to micromanage him for a long period of time, but by prompting him at least a few times in the days immediately after your announcement, you'll be able to completely convey that you're doing everything you can to help him to help himself and also to reconfirm that you're not going to be covering for him any longer.

WE EACH PURSUE DATES IN VERY DIFFERENT WAYS

DR. WALLACE: My friend and I are college students, and we're always interested in meeting girls, going out on dates and enjoying our social life around our school schedules.

He and I have different opinions on the best way to position ourselves when we attempt to meet new girls and ask them out. He is all about following the latest trends, trying to act like he's really with it and that he knows all about things that are happening, especially new things in pop culture. He's all about whatever is "trending" at any given point in time.

On the other hand, I prefer to not even worry about that, as I just focus on being true to myself, playing to my strengths and letting my personality, style and normal modes of behavior carry me forward. I figure that if I present the exact version of who I know I am, I won't have to keep up with too much else.

We were discussing this the other day, and it made us curious as to what your opinion is regarding this debate. Do you think my style or his style is better in terms of meeting, and hopefully dating, girls our age? — We Have Vastly Different Styles, via email

WE HAVE VASTLY DIFFERENT STYLES: You pose an interesting question, but rather than attempting to answer it as if one style is better than the other, I actually see merits in the way both of you are approaching things. Now I'm assuming that your friend is ethical and reasonable, that he does not portray himself to be someone he is not. As long as that is true, keeping up with current events, knowing a bit about what's trending at any given point in time can indeed make for an interesting early conversation starter with someone you're interested in getting to know better.

Having said that, I feel your style of personal behavior is exemplary and quite appropriate. You portray yourself to others just as you see yourself, and that is a very good thing. So when you speak to your friend next, let him know that I saw the value in both of your different approaches. I feel that you can both learn quite a bit from each other by adding a bit of each other's techniques to your pursuit of meeting some nice, interesting and hopefully conversational girls.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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