DR. WALLACE: My younger brother, 16, in the past few years has become a very picky eater at home. I don't remember him being that way as a younger kid, but ever since he turned about 14, he has thrown up all kinds of roadblocks about not eating certain foods that he doesn't want anymore, especially the "healthy ones" like vegetables, salads and so forth.

My father is a busy executive on the road about 50% of the time, so my younger brother manipulates my mom as much as he can. As his older sister, I tell him often that he's only hurting himself by not eating a healthy balanced diet. But my brother always protests and says he simply can't force himself to eat certain foods.

Then, to my utter surprise and amazement, I saw him visiting a home of one of his friends who was having a backyard barbecue. I dropped in late in the afternoon because some friends of mine knew the host family that was holding the event as well.

My brother didn't see me, but other kids his age were encouraging him to try all kinds of various foods from a different culture, and they included a variety of interesting vegetables, salads, meats and so forth. I was stunned to see him gobbling down all kinds of different foods, some very similar to those he protested eating in our home. He was doing it because some of his friends, including a boy who lived there, were encouraging him to try some of their national food dishes. He had absolutely no problem wolfing them all down. I never let him see me because I didn't want everyone to know he was my younger brother anyway, but I carefully watched him long enough to be sure I was seeing what he was doing for sure.

A few days later at home, I saw him giving our mom his usual routine about not wanting to eat what she was cooking, except for a few small dishes of meat he selected, and then he gorged himself on nearly half a gallon of ice cream! My question for you is, now that I know he's a fraud, should I just keep my mouth shut or let my mom know what I found out? — My Brother's a Fraud, via email

MY BROTHER'S A FRAUD: Absolutely you can let your mother know what you noticed. But do request that she not disclose you as the source of her newly discovered information.

Encourage your mother to put some ground rules down on your brother since you know he can absolutely eat the things he's being presented. It's not like he has some physical limitation or allergy but rather that he's manipulating your mother as much as he possibly can.

Hopefully your new insight will give your mother the confidence to lay down firm and effective ground rules and then strictly enforce them to put an end to the obvious manipulation going on in your home.

WE GOT THE CALL NO PARENT WISHES TO HEAR

DR. WALLACE: My husband and I are the parents of three children. Our two oldest, both boys, have done very well in life thus far, and our eldest just got engaged. Our youngest is a daughter who just turned 22 recently, and she has been living on her own ever since her sophomore year in college. We got the call last weekend that no parent ever wants to receive, and that is that our daughter was in the hospital in serious condition.

She had a bad automobile accident, one that we have come to learn was entirely her fault, and very fortunately for her and everyone else on the road, she missed a turn and had a solo accident, so no other person was injured. She did roll her vehicle over several times and suffered several broken bones and quite nasty lacerations.

After our initial shock, we were relieved to hear that although she'll be in the hospital for a period of time, she is expected to pull through, although she will need rehabilitation for some of her lower-body injuries. The real shocker to my husband and me was that we were informed that our daughter had a blood alcohol level roughly two times the legal limit at the time of her accident. The paramedics and police were both called to the scene, and she is facing the rightful consequences of her actions now.

We have come to learn that she has had a major drinking problem for the last three years, unbeknownst to us or anyone in our extended family. My husband and I never drink alcohol, and our two older sons similarly abstain, so we were shocked to hear what happened to our daughter.

In the last few days, she has cried extensively and apologized profusely to us. She basically explained that she hid this problem from us because she knew we would be angry with her or, at the very least, extremely disappointed in her. Now, my husband and I have deep regret that she didn't feel comfortable coming to us once she knew she was in trouble regarding alcohol years ago. We found out about her situation too late to help her avoid her accident, but fortunately she's still here with us, and no one else was harmed.

Is there anything we should've done as parents better during the years she was 19 to 22? We now feel like we are as much to blame as she is regarding her situation. — A Very Sad Mother, via email

A VERY SAD MOTHER: You obviously did not know what was going on, so don't be unduly hard upon yourself at this point. Focus now on helping your daughter with her recovery and with the fallout she is sure to experience with the "driving under the influence" situation she created with her very poor judgment. She needs to recover physically and also face her actions in a court of law.

Going forward, be sure she completely and unequivocally understands that she can and should come to you and your husband at any time for any reason in her life and that you will both seek to immediately help her. Tell her that your love for her will always supersede any mistakes she makes, so she should reach out in advance immediately for the rest of her life. Your letter also gives all parents who may read this column the very same advice, hopefully in a timely manner for their loved ones.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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