DR. WALLACE: I'm currently 19 and will soon turn 20. I got pregnant a year and a half ago, and I have a beautiful daughter. The father of my child said all the right things to me at the time, but his actions were the complete opposite of the verbal promises he made to me.

After not hearing from him for 10 days, a few weeks after I first gave him the news, I soon learned that he had left town and changed his phone number. It's been a long time, but part of me wants to try to find him. My mother tells me to just let him go, focus on my daughter, and my current life as a single mother. Do you think I should listen to my mom, or the little voice in the back of my mind that tells me to see if I can find out where he moved to? We haven't spoken or communicated with each other for over a year now. — Currently a Single Parent, via email

CURRENTLY A SINGLE PARENT: Situations like the one you find yourself in are indeed quite difficult on so many levels. Your emotional side and your practical side can definitely be in conflict and remain so for an extended period of time, just like what you're experiencing now.

However, the father of your child not only abandoned you, but also abandoned his own daughter. He knows where you are, how to reach you and yet he has not done anything in over a year to reach out.

My advice is to focus on your daily life and do your best to accept the reality that you find yourself in. Don't fantasize about him showing up riding in on a white horse to rescue you anytime soon. If he happens to show up someday, you can evaluate the situation at that time, but do your best to focus on what you need to do now to continue to take care of your precious daughter. The responsibility of being a good parent is now your highest responsibility. Your innocent daughter deserves all of the care and attention you can give her.

In time, you may have other opportunities to date again, and hopefully to find a suitable life partner when the timing is right. But for now, I feel you should focus on your daughter and how you will best provide for her.

MOM EMBARRASSES ME BY INTERVIEWING MY NEW FRIENDS

DR. WALLACE: My parents have an unusual relationship. My mom is a stay-at-home wife and homemaker, and she does a great job holding down our family home. My dad travels for his job about 35 weeks a year! This means my mom makes the rules and basically raises me, since my father is off on sales trips all across the United States and even a few foreign countries.

My problem is that my mom is truly up in my business to a huge degree. She wants to meet every single person that I'm going to be friends with. They literally have to come over to our house, sit down and talk to my mom and me for 10 to 15 minutes before I'm permitted to hang out with them. I'm a freshman in high school, and this is so embarrassing!

I would try to mention this to my father when he is home, but many times he has already told me that he backs my mother's judgment "100%" as he puts it. How can I be granted some independence and not have to go through this embarrassing "friend interview" with everyone I want to socialize with? — My Mom's All in My Business, via email

MY MOM'S ALL IN MY BUSINESS: I agree that your parents have an unusual arrangement, but it does seem to work for both of them and most importantly, they are in harmony with their decision-making.

The fact that you are a freshman in high school probably has your mother's antenna very much in focus, especially now, early in the school year. My advice is to give this time, relax and try to make it fun or even humorous when you bring friends over to meet your mom in person.

If you complain about it to your new friends, that may prove to be counterproductive, so ask your mom to make it as casual as possible, and perhaps to prepare a snack that all of you could enjoy while your friend is talking to her for the first time. This would make such a conversation seem more casual and organic, versus looking like a formal "friend interview."

I feel that if you roll with this for the next few months, you and your mother will settle into a groove, and she'll likely trust your judgment with increasing regularity - assuming the character of the friends you bring to your house is reasonable in her eyes.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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