DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is 16, and my two 11-year-old twin brothers are quite rambunctious in our home almost all the time. They're not terrible kids, but they do what they want when they want, and they make a lot of noise and get pretty messy too.

My grandmother came to visit us for a week, and while she was here, she often scolded me for not spending more time correcting, teaching and coaching my younger brothers. Every time they did something wrong when my mother was not around, Grandma would come to me and tell me to make them behave.

The whole time she was with us, she never said anything directly to the twins, but she expected me to corral them when they got out of line. I'm not their parent, and I'm only five years older so I don't really discipline them or anything like that. I will sometimes tell them to calm down or that they need to do something quieter, but I can't manage them every minute of their lives. Do you feel older siblings like me are responsible for always monitoring and correcting younger siblings who act out? — I'm Not a Nanny, via email

I'M NOT A NANNY: It sounds to me like your grandmother perhaps became perturbed with all the noise and commotion, and she wanted a quieter environment while she was visiting your home.

It could be that she didn't want to appear authoritative or condescending to her grandsons, so she wanted you to do the deed of speaking to them and trying to calm them down. Think of it as a typical "good cop, bad cop" type of situation. She likely wanted to be insulated from any blame, and you became an easy candidate for someone who could be inserted into the situation so that she didn't have to say anything.

In the end, setting rules, expectations, discipline and corrective actions is the domain of your mother. You indeed are not a nanny, but anytime you can involve your twin brothers in an activity of yours they might enjoy could be mutually beneficial to you and the entire household.

HE DROPPED A SECOND MARRIAGE ON ME AND SAID NO TO THREE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and dating a guy who is nearly 10 years older than me, and even though we've been going out for four months quite successfully, recently a "rain cloud" has appeared which now hangs over our relationship.

The other evening, we were talking about the future, and he quite openly told me that he's not interested in ever getting married again! I knew that he had been married once when he was 20 years old, and I also knew that marriage ended within 10 months. But last night, I also found out he was married a second time for three and a half years, and his divorce was finalized only about seven months before I met him!

He explained that everything changed once he got married both times and that he didn't want to be "tied down" ever again. I didn't say anything specific to him about this topic; I mainly just listened and asked a few general questions about the situation, particularly his second marriage.

Now the two of us have never even discussed marriage because we've only been going out for four months, but knowing that he never wants to get married again has made me look at this relationship quite differently, I must admit.

Do you think I should remain in this relationship or simply end it because I already know there's no chance we will ever end up becoming happily married? — His News Was Shocking, via email

HIS NEWS WAS SHOCKING: I'm sorry to say that I definitely see a few red flags here, and even though I don't know the two of you personally, just based upon the facts of your letter, I don't feel this situation is likely to be in your best long-term interests. A larger-than-usual age gap between the two of you does exist, but since you're both adults, it's not a problem. The biggest problem I see is that he dated you for four months and never told you that he was divorced shortly before you started dating. He literally hid one of his two failed marriages from you for the entirety of your relationship up until the point he disclosed It recently.

Furthermore, he made it a point to tell you that he will never get married to you. He may have done this to provide an off-ramp to the relationship or to preempt any notions you might have of getting married to him at some time in the future. It all adds up to a situation that doesn't seem balanced or logical to me. The fact that he told you about only one of his two previous marriages and withheld the details for four months is a dealbreaker, in my opinion, and that has been further exacerbated by his sudden disclosure to never marry again.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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