DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl, and I met a really nice guy at a summer party in late August. I've been dating him regularly so far this school year, and although he is a lot of fun to be around and a nice-looking guy, I'm learning that he is quite unreliable.

For example, he's late for just about everything we ever plan to do together, and sometimes he offers to help me with various projects yet never delivers on them at all. He does have one outstanding talent, however, and it's that he can immediately drop a very detailed excuse on me as to why he has not followed up on something he promised to do earlier.

Is there hope that I could sit down and work with him to overcome these problems, or is he likely to be this way on an ongoing basis? — His Act Is Wearing Thin, via email

HIS ACT IS WEARING THIN: Sometimes people do indeed make changes, even vastly positive ones, but more often than not, deep-rooted personality traits have a way of continuing forward in time.

I suggest that if you want to continue seeing him, in an effort to give him a few chances to rehabilitate his behavior you lay down some ground rules and then stick to them. For example, the next time you plan a date or to meet somewhere and he shows up 10 minutes or more late, tell him the event will be canceled. Don't let him talk you out of it; don't let him drop complicated excuses about why he was late again. Simply tell him that if he wants to spend time with you, he will have to prioritize his schedule in order to do so.

If you'd like to help him, tell him that you'd be willing to text him in advance of a meeting as a reminder. Then if he is still late after all of that, you'll likely have your answer.

And as to the projects he has offered to help you with, similarly remind him of those and then simply stop asking for assistance or expecting him to do anything at all above and beyond on your behalf. At some point, you'll have to make your own decision about whether to continue to spend time with him, depending upon if his future behavior is worth the effort.

I'M BEYOND EMBARRASSED THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN

DR. WALLACE: I'm really embarrassed to write to you, but I'm a boy who recently turned 13 and I have a terrible problem. I wet my bed when I was 7 or 8 years old, and then for several years that problem went away.

Right now, I'm shocked to tell you that over the last month, ever since we started the new school year, this problem has come back again. I live with my mother who works full time, so I've been able to hide it from her since I'm old enough now to understand how to use the washing machine and the dryer.

I'm worried, however, that at some point my mom is going to find out what's going on again if it doesn't stop soon. What can I do about this? Please don't tell me to tell my mother because I would be beyond embarrassed to bring this up with her again after she thought I had outgrown this problem several years ago. - Beyond Embarrassed, via email

BEYOND EMBARRASSED: At some point, you may have to explain this to your mother so that she can help you to get the care that you need. But as a first step, if you'd like to try it on your own, I suggest that you immediately meet with your school nurse.

If you can do this and explain your situation openly and honestly, you could get some really good advice and perhaps some suggestions that could help you. Bring up the reason you don't want to start by explaining this to your mother and see what the nurse and any counselors on campus might have as advice for you.

If you're really fortunate, and some suggestions that you learn about can help, you just may be able to overcome this on your own. But be prepared to explain this to your mother at some point because you indeed may need to. She may need to accompany you to a doctor at some point, if that turns out to be one of the better potential solutions. The good news is that your situation can often be treated successfully with the assistance of a medical professional. Do at some point inform your mother that you sought assistance from your school as a first step due to your embarrassment. I trust she'll understand and do all she can to help you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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