DR. WALLACE: How can I overcome my fear of public speaking? Many of my classes require students to give presentations at some point during the semester, and I get anxious just thinking about these assignments.

I know that doing these class presentations is not optional, and to make matters worse, the career that I am interested in pursuing necessitates public speaking skills. I don't want my fears to get in the way of me doing well in school and pursuing my dreams, so how do I stop being afraid? — Terrified and nervous, via email

TERRIFIED AND NERVOUS: Unfortunately, there is no magical technique you can learn to stop being afraid of your fears. In fact, the more that you try to stop yourself from being nervous about public speaking, the more nervous you are likely to become. I know this is probably not what you were hoping to hear, but it doesn't mean that your situation is hopeless. It does mean, however, that in order to overcome your fears, you're going to have to be willing to prioritize your goals over your feelings.

The truth is that the only way to rid yourself of the fear that you're feeling is to go out and do the very thing that makes you afraid. In other words, you must embrace the feeling of fear and all of the other uncomfortable emotions that it creates. Growth only occurs outside of your comfort zone.

Now, this does not mean that you need to throw yourself into the spotlight immediately and face your greatest fears right away. Instead, start small. I recommend joining a public speaking group such as Toastmasters, where they will teach you various skills and techniques and provide you with opportunities to practice and receive feedback. Take small gradual steps toward your objectives, and be willing to sit with and embrace the inevitable presence of anxiety along the way. This is not easy, but it is the best way to prevent your fears from holding you back from your dreams. Be bold and move directly toward what makes you afraid, but be empathetic with yourself in the process. Seek to continually engage and practice in a safe, supportive environment first. With time, you'll likely get your footing and be ready to face the speaking challenges your chosen career will require.

MY COUSIN IS QUITE IMPRESSIVE!

DR. WALLACE: Our aunt and uncle came to visit our family recently with some of my teenage cousins. We usually see them a few times each year. I'm a 16-year-old girl and think one of my girl cousins is just beyond beautiful! I don't know her well but I would like to ask her what her secrets are to look and act so fine all the time. The last time I saw her, she looked like a nice young girl, but this time, she looked and acted "off the charts" in a very impressive way.

But since she's my cousin, I don't want her to think I'm weird for asking her about her appearance and her personal aura. She seems to have a special style and a very nice public presence, so I'd sure like to know if I could learn how to replicate even a bit of style! She's also 16, so at least we do have our ages in common. What do you think: Should I ask her my questions the next time I see her, or would it be better to just observe her style from afar? — Want to emulate my cousin, via email

WANT TO EMULATE MY COUSIN: Thinking someone is attractive does not mean that they have everything in their life perfectly aligned, but it is nice that you find her personal style appealing.

I'd suggest a very light and easy conversation with her the next time you see her. Focus on one or two specific areas only to start. This way, you won't come off as too overbearing or as a girl who wishes to copy her cousin's looks and mannerisms exactly down to every detail.

Also, think for a bit on your own now about what impressed you the most about her. From that perspective, see if you can make some adjustments in your life with your own style that could loosely be similar to what you saw in her.

You'll benefit in two ways by doing this. First, you can start right away on your own to update your own personal style and presence. Second, when you do see her again, you can mention some of the things you do in your life to make you a better and more dynamic individual. You can then ask her about her opinion on your ideas, and from there, she'll likely be very comfortable sharing her ideas and thoughts on those subjects quite readily. After all, you're family!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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