DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years, and we both planned that, someday, we would become husband and wife. Last Christmas, he surprised me with a really expensive ring as a gift. The ring is absolutely beautiful and has several diamonds mounted on it. I'll readily admit I was thrilled to receive it. But, since receiving the ring, things between us have turned cold. First of all, he took a job in a city over two hours away by car. I begged him not to take it, but he said he was going to take it, and if I wanted to, I could move with him to that city, and we could live together.

I told him I wasn't going to move to a new city because I have a good job here in my town that I'd likely have to give up (a four-hour daily commute just would not be workable for me).

As this situation regarding his job unfurled, I could tell that our relationship was in jeopardy. When I brought this up to him in a mild conversation one day, he immediately agreed and then shocked me by asking me to return the ring to him! I was stunned and unprepared for this comment, so I just told him off of the top of my head that it was a gift and I needed time to think about returning or keeping it. He said he wanted it back because the ring belonged to his mother, and he wanted to make sure his future wife would wear it.

It is now impossible that he and I will ever get married to each other. I can honestly say that, at this very moment, I don't like him one bit. He's acted cold, selfish and distant all at once.

So, my question is: Should I keep the gift he gave me, or do you think you think I should return it to him? I can tell you that he never mentioned that it was his mother's ring the night he gave it to me last year. — Unhappy Ring Owner, via email

UNHAPPY RING OWNER: Why would you want to keep the ring given to you by someone you now don't like? Remember, whenever you'd wear it, it would bring back unpleasant memories.

I advise you to return the ring with a sly smile, not a frown on your face. If you can pull off a very mild smirk, do so as you return it, as this will ease the sting you feel in giving it back.

Returning the ring will provide you with closure and make your future more enjoyable on several levels. I trust there may be another, more meaningful ring presented to you someday in the future.

'UNORGANIZED' SPORTS PREFERRED

DR. WALLACE: I really like to play basketball, baseball and tennis! I like sports in general; however, I don't really care to play in competition at my school. Winning puts too much pressure on the game, and some of the high school coaches are pretty obsessed with winning at all costs. I just want to play and have fun, so I mostly just participate in pickup games on the weekends.

Why does everything in sports usually have to be such a big competition so totally focused on winning and losing? My friends and I get great exercise, and we have a lot of laughs when we play. Sometimes, we even stop the game to laugh and have a cold drink when someone does something funny or unusual.

I think a lot of my fellow teenagers would have a lot of fun if they just played some casual weekend sports among themselves rather than getting so caught up in organized athletics. Do you agree? — Weekend Warrior, via email

WEEKEND WARRIOR: Competition is good, no matter what form it comes in, and the point you make about exercise is entirely valid.

For those who wish to measure their sports skills against the very best, organized sports with paid referees provide a measuring stick that lets athletes know where they stand in competition. For others, like you, the exercise, laughs and camaraderie are most important.

I'll confess to thoroughly enjoying both! I've been a high school varsity head basketball coach in my lifetime, and I've also coached high school baseball. But with my personal time, I've truly enjoyed playing in friendly pickup basketball games for decades. I've been blessed with a good circle of close friends who enjoy playing sports together simply for the love of the game and the time we all enjoy spending together.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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