DR. WALLACE: My parents went through a nasty divorce about six months ago. My 14-year-old brother and I live with our mother. We accept this because we love her. But we also love our father.
Our problem is that Mom makes it very difficult for us to spend time with our father. For example, I reminded her when she left to go shopping one afternoon that we would need the car at 6 p.m. because we were supposed to meet Dad for dinner, and she returned home at 8:45 p.m., saying she had forgotten about our dinner date with Dad.
Another time, Dad called on a Sunday afternoon to say he would be coming over to take us to a movie. Mom never told us. Instead, she took us to the movie a half-hour before Dad arrived at our house. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.
Is there anything I can do to get our mom to stop interfering with our relationship with our dad? If it weren't for telephone calls, we wouldn't have any contact with him whatsoever. I don't think she realizes she is building resentment in us that could last a long time. Do you have any suggestions for getting our mom to stop trying to keep us away from our dad? — Ashley, Savannah, Ga.
ASHLEY: Perhaps the easiest approach would be to ask your mother to read this column. It would tell her how you feel and should leave a lasting impression on her. Many times, the written word is more potent than the spoken word. All children should have access to both parents whenever and wherever possible. Your father absolutely deserves time with his children, as well.
ADVICE COLUMNIST IN THE MAKING
DR. WALLACE: I'm the parent of a 15-year-old girl. My husband and I are from the "old school" when it comes to raising our daughter. We set rules for her, and they are strictly enforced. She understands why we're raising her this way. It's because we love her dearly and want her to respect authority and become a model citizen.
Some time ago, a 15-year-old girl wrote to you saying she wanted to date but her parents wouldn't allow it before she turned 16. She sarcastically asked you whether she was going to see a white light and turn into a responsible teen at the stroke of midnight on her 16th birthday. I was so upset at this girl that I don't remember your answer, but let me tell you how I would have responded to this girl if I were her mother:
"YOUNG LADY: You cannot legally consume an alcoholic beverage one second before you turn 21; you cannot vote one second before you turn 18; you cannot get a license to drive a motor vehicle one second before you turn 16 — period. So quit trying to get Dr. Wallace to take your side, and respect your parents' rules!"
ADVICE-GIVING MOTHER: Have you ever considered writing an advice column for teens? You would be great competition! Thanks very much for your enthusiastic perspective on one of my past columns that was of interest to you.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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