DR. WALLACE: What do you feel is most essential to a healthy, happy relationship? My boyfriend believes that it is passion, but I disagree. I think it is being a good friend to one another. What do you think? — Nameless, Erie, Pa.

NAMELESS: I agree with you, and so do many experts in the field. For instance, Dr. Vincent Androsiglio, a couple's counselor in New Jersey, says that communication is the most essential ingredient in any healthy relationship. Effective communication is the result of friendship and trust, he says. While passion may get a relationship started, it's a two-edged sword; in the absence of trust, it can easily find expression in anger and even hatred, instead of love.

THE ACTION OF THE TEACHER WAS OUTRAGEOUS

DR. WALLACE: I am one upset parent! Since you are a former high school administrator, I would very much like your response to my letter. My daughter is in the 10th grade. One of the female teachers at her private high school was supervising a school dance and somehow got carried away about making sure that the female students weren't wearing skimpy thong panties.

To find out, she lifted the skirts of the girls and if a girl was wearing the "unacceptable" undergarment she was denied entrance to the dance. My daughter wasn't checked, but her best friend was. A group of parents are really concerned about this violation of privacy and are planning a meeting with the principal.

Personally, I feel the action of this teacher was outrageous and I am one of the parents who will be at the meeting to voice my displeasure of the search technique and to see that this never takes place again.

Please tell us your opinion of this situation. — Parent, Chicago, Ill.

PARENT: There are some extremely unwise adults in politics, law, medicine, and every other field of endeavor, including education.

If what you say is true, the teacher used extremely poor judgment. At the very least, the school owes a big apology to the girls who were subjected to this unwarranted treatment — and, of course, assurances to all parents and students that this will never happen again.

MY COOKING IS SCRUMPTIOUS

DR. WALLACE: I really enjoy cooking, especially at home for my own family. It makes me very happy when people tell me that my meals are scrumptious and I'm always looking for new and exciting dishes to try. I recently found an interesting recipe that contains a small amount of alcohol (four tablespoons of sherry).

My father is a recovering alcoholic and I'm wondering if this small amount of alcohol could get him started drinking again. I am very proud of my dad and would never do anything to hinder his recovery. What do you think? — Nameless, Moline, Ill.

NAMELESS: I'm informed by professional counselors at CPC Hospital in Santa Ana, California that you should not use alcohol of any amount in food that will be eaten by a recovering alcoholic.

However, they said, you could use an excellent alcohol substitute that is now available. For example, you may want to substitute an alcohol-free cooking sherry.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.