DR. WALLACE: My 18-year-old daughter lives at home, attends a junior college and has been offered a job at a local upscale restaurant as a hostess on weekend evenings. Apparently it's known to be a good entry-level opportunity to eventually become a server in the future, and with the associated tips involved, that is indeed a very good job at this particular establishment.

However, my husband and I have dined in this particular restaurant a handful of times over the years, and on more than one occasion, we had to wait in the bar area for a table. The main bartender, who has been there for years, made several comments that we both heard that were not only highly inappropriate but quite sexist and, in some cases, beyond vulgar.

Given this man's presence at the restaurant, we are seriously considering talking our daughter out of accepting this job. What do you think? — Not Sure It's a Good Idea, via email

NOT SURE IT'S A GOOD IDEA: There's certainly no place for the bartender's vulgar comments you directly heard in the past, and it's a shame you didn't mention something to the management or ownership during those previous times you witnessed this.

However, you now have the opportunity to sit down and discuss this openly and honestly with your daughter to see what she thinks about it. She may decide to opt out of this job on her own after hearing what you have to say, but it's entirely possible she will still want to go forward and accept the job.

If she elects to do so, she'll at least go into the situation fully aware and wide-eyed when it comes to this particular bartender. If she does move forward, you should advise her that she should say something to management the very first time something inappropriate is said directly to her or within her earshot by this bartender, as it's extremely unprofessional and she would be "doing her job" by letting management know that another employee was acting out of line.

There's a great big world out there, and the sooner your daughter can start to deal effectively with difficult situations by using sound, well-thought-out strategies, the better. Plus, if she can rise to the server level, this might be an excellent job for her in the long run.

MY ONCE-CARING BOYFRIEND HAS BOUGHT INTO THRILL-SEEKING!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a senior in high school, and I have a really good boyfriend. We've been together eight months now, and early on in our relationship, he told me how much he cared about me and that I could always depend on him, no matter what the situation was. He also told me he promised to put me first at all times.

But as we enter our senior year, he doesn't quite put me first as much as he used to. His current group of guy friends includes guys who are always "thrill-seeking" and trying crazy things for the adrenaline rush. Lately my boyfriend has bought into this group and is now finding excuses to get away from me and go do these crazy stunts with his friends, even sometimes when we had a preexisting date for a scheduled event.

How can I possibly compete for his time when it seems now to be all about the adrenaline for him? — I've Lost Him to Thrill-Seeking, via email

I'VE LOST HIM TO THRILL-SEEKING: I think you now need to discuss things with him on two separate fronts. Start with the fact that if the two of you intend to remain in a caring relationship together, both parties need to be responsible and respectful of each other. This is especially true when you have preexisting dates scheduled in advance for something specific. Breaking these dates for a selfish reason is not the behavior of a committed relationship partner. So start there and find out if he really values the relationship enough to go back to working on it the way he used to.

No matter how that first part of your discussion turns out, you should also warn him of the dangers of thrill-seeking behavior. You can easily do an internet search and come up with several examples of stunts gone wrong that caused permanent disablement and even death in some cases. I understand you don't want to be a complete downer on this topic, but if you care about this guy, even if you eventually break up, you owe it to yourself to have both discussions with him as calmly and seriously as you possibly can.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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