DR. WALLACE: One of my professors this semester raised a very interesting question to our class, and we are expected to write a multipage essay about it. She posed a question: If we could only choose to have a comfortable current set of friends or to have ethics that we believe in and value, which one we would choose if they were presently mutually exclusive?

I can see the value in both, but I have to admit that going through college without any friends would be a lonely experience, indeed. What do you feel is the right answer to this scenario, and why? — Facing an Interesting and Challenging Assignment, via email

FACING AN INTERESTING AND CHALLENGING ASSIGNMENT: Sounds to me that the way your professor presented the situation, it revolved around each student's current situation but didn't preclude future adjustments.

Therefore, I feel holding onto a personal set of ethics and seeking out new friends within a reasonable time would be vastly superior to the inverse. Imagine if a peer group of friends revolved around extremely unethical behavior on a consistent, revolving basis. Of what use would that be to any individual who would be severely damaging a personal sense of ethics and integrity by following peer pressure to the detriment of personal ethics?

Your professor has presented your class with a very interesting and thought-provoking assignment indeed. I wish you personal and academic success as you complete this assignment.

OUR GOOD FRIEND DESPERATELY NEEDS TO BE IN REHAB

DR. WALLACE: Within my circle of friends, one friend in particular is definitely in trouble. This friend has an ongoing substance problem that appears to be gradually accelerating, not declining or being contained in any meaningful way.

Several friends and I have engaged this person in discussions, even recommended rehab and said that we would provide support on an ongoing basis accordingly. The reaction we got to recommending rehab literally stunned us. This friend mentioned that the singer Amy Winehouse never went to rehab but instead actually sang a song about it and made many millions of dollars singing about rehab without actually attending, as if this was some point of justification to not attend rehab at all.

We calmly explained that things did not end well for Ms. Winehouse, but our friend said she had bulimia and that's what brought about her demise. What can we do with a friend who speaks about rehab in such an offhand and trivial way when that is exactly where this person should be right now? — Our Friend Refuses Our Help, via email

OUR FRIEND REFUSES OUR HELP: It is absolutely beyond frustrating to be in the position that you and your friends are in. You care deeply about your affected friend and want what's best for this particular individual. However, the friend refuses your well-intended efforts, so the first key to take to heart is to never, ever enable this friend while the addiction remains raging.

Socializing with an addict who arrives to a group outing or event impaired inadvertently actually indicates acceptance of the behavior. Also don't keep any secrets for this individual, and don't fix any problems resulting as a consequence of the addiction either. Don't try to control or manage every aspect of an addict's life, because resentment is often the outcome if you do. Never threaten or force an addict to do anything for the same reason.

The things you can do are to listen and express concern without presenting ultimatums. You actually can show empathy and imagine what it must feel like for the individual to be so caught up in the addiction, as many addicts believe that no one understands what they're going through. Finally, show good examples of what healthy, normal behavior is whenever you are in the presence of the addict.

Yes, it's hard to understand why an addict would refuse to go to rehab, and there are many possible reasons for this: denial, shame, the fear of losing control, the fear of change and even the fear of dealing with detoxification and withdrawal symptoms. One or more of these likely applies to your particular friend. Finally, be sure that everyone within your circle of friends lets this person know that you are all available and just a phone call away at any time to help with anything reasonable. It's a cold, hard reality, but avoiding engaging in enabling behavior is the correct route to proceed with at this point in time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Ryoji Iwata at Unsplash