DR. WALLACE: I'm 17, female, and have a male twin brother. He and I have gotten along reasonably well over the years, but our personalities are definitely different. I'm much more of a team player with a cooperative mindset, whereas my brother tends to be selfish and even dishonest at times. Over the years, he's been caught taking things that were not his and lying about things that he really didn't need to lie about in the first place. In my mind, some of the things he's done over the years would be considered petty, but recently it came to my attention that he did something at our high school that crossed a significant line. If he does it again and gets caught, there will be huge consequences.

Should I say anything to our parents about this in an effort to preempt a huge future problem for him? On the one hand, I want to protect my twin even by disclosing this to our parents, but on the other hand, I definitely subconsciously feel like I would be breaking a "twin trust" bond by doing so. I don't know why, but I kind of feel like there's a code of ethics that twins must always have each other's backs at all times. Normally, I can make a good decision quickly, but this one has me really tangled up. I've been sitting on this for three days now and finally got the idea to seek some advice. What should I do? — My Twin Crossed a Bad Line, via email

MY TWIN CROSSED A BAD LINE: First of all, there is no formal code of conduct between twins, whether a set of twins are identical or not. If your twin brother was your younger brother by three or four years and you knew the same information, you would definitely inform your parents to protect him from himself before bigger trouble ensued. Therefore, without delay, bring this information to the attention of your parents so that they can intervene and hopefully bring about corrective behavior in short order.

You'll truly regret not saying anything if he repeats his mistake with huge consequences the next time. It's admirable that you want to follow some romantic notion of a specific bond between twins that must always be upheld, but if you truly want to help your twin brother, you'll speak up immediately.

MY ETHICAL SISTER'S GOOD JUDGMENT HAS BEEN SUSPENDED

DR. WALLACE: My sister and I are really close. We're only about a year and a half apart in age. We've always been able to talk to each other about everything, but there's something that's developed recently that has me hesitating to bring up a delicate subject with her. She's an honest person, but her new boyfriend, whom she's been dating for about 5 months, is "rough and ready" to say the least. He's an edgy kind of guy who I never really trusted from the moment I met him. Now it's come to my attention that he's doing illegal things, and what's worse, my sister is at the very least enabling him and maybe even knowingly covering up for him.

I fear that she won't listen to me because she always talks of him in a fawning way and has told me previously how deeply she is in love with him. I truly believe she's blinded by her love for him, and she's thrown her normal good judgment and ethics out the window this time.

How can I discuss things with her in a way that won't either shut the conversation down immediately or cause friction between us? — She's Blinded By Love, via email

SHE'S BLINDED BY LOVE: You definitely need to speak up, but indeed it's going to be a delicate endeavor to thread the needle so that she does not shut you down or shut you out of her life entirely.

Use the background between the two of you as your starting point by telling her how much you love her, care for her and how close the two of you have been over the years. Mention that if something was going on in your life that she noticed, she would definitely want to help you and would talk to you about anything that would protect you and hopefully improve your situation. Then tell her that you now find yourself in that exact position. Mention that you want to help her and caution her, but at the same time you'll always support her no matter what decisions she makes, even if you strongly disagree with them. At that point, talk to her only in terms of what risks she is putting herself in, and how much you don't want to see her experience a truly bad outcome for herself since her normal judgment appears to have been suspended due to this relationship.

Don't speak directly about her boyfriend; don't call him names or disparage him, but rather keep the conversation entirely focused on your desire to protect your beloved sister and leave it at that. Saying your peace will be cathartic for you and hopefully be beneficial for her. At the very least, when she's alone and thinks about your conversation, she may begin to see the first few sprouts of her normal good judgment starting to take root again. Hopefully she'll gradually see the situation at least somewhat the way that you do and this may help her to make some good, and very important decisions in the near future.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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