DR. WALLACE: I'm the eldest of four siblings, and we all still live in our family home even though two of us are over 18, including me (I'm 20). I attend a couple classes at a junior college, and I work part-time. My younger sister attends a four-year university, and the youngest two are still in high school.

My question to you revolves around my father. I remember as a kid that he was a tough disciplinarian but always fair, and he never accused me of anything I didn't actually do. But as I grew older, he went from verbally reprimanding me to delivering what I call menacing body language. He's literally the master of facial expressions, sometimes accompanied with hands on his hips or a subtle foot tap.

I noticed that he started out disciplining my younger siblings verbally in a similar manner that he did to me, but he weaned them off that when they were young — younger than I was when I was still getting verbally scolded. My question is, do you think it's preferable for a parent to deliver a scolding or verbal disdain, or is it better for them to use body language?

I will say that our father has many great qualities, as does our mother, but for the purpose of my question, I wanted to focus only for now on his discipline style. What do you think? — Dad's a Master of Body Language, via email

DAD'S A MASTER OF BODY LANGUAGE: It's quite interesting that you've noted the evolution of your father's disciplinary style, both from your own direct firsthand experience and from watching him evolve as your younger siblings grew and drew more of his focus and attention.

There are indeed times when verbal corrections, scolding and admonitions have their place. But I personally always felt that anything that could be conveyed much more succinctly via silent body language was not only more effective but preferable.

The ability to make use of an expression, strike a pose or nonverbally indicate that he was watching and not pleased with certain behavior is indeed not only a skill but perhaps a fading art. I'll go on record as saying that I feel your father's nonverbal path to achieving his disciplinary goals is both superior and preferable, and it deserves to be emulated by other parents with the ability to pull it off.

HE WAS DEMURE AT FIRST BUY NOW HE OPENLY "TALKS SMACK"

DR. WALLACE: I'm a happily achieving female college student in my second year at my university. I'm a serious student, and now that I have the complete rhythm of this college, the academic culture and the daily life, I couldn't be happier academically.

However, my personal life is another story. After ending a fading relationship in my freshman year, I thought I had found a wonderful new boyfriend, because we seemed to hit things off so well the first two or three months we were together.

But now that he knows me better, he's kind of "letting his hair down" and revealing another side of his personality that not only disinterests me but that I find repulsive in many aspects. He's got this group of guy friends that come over and hang out, and the entire time, they "talk smack" about everything and everybody they find faults or shortcomings with. Every individual they discuss is "hilarious," and whenever one of them tells a disparaging story about some other guy or girl they know, it ends with what I call "hyena laughter" and a comment from one of them: "That's awesome!" Well, I hate to break their bubble, but no, it's not awesome. And it's not even civilized the way they rip into other people by pointing out their supposed flaws and laughing about it.

I recently asked my boyfriend when I was alone with him after one of these sessions why he engages in that behavior with his friends, and he was very dismissive about it. He simply said that's how guys act. They were just laughing and having a good time, nothing more. He even went so far as to say that they didn't confront any of these people directly, they just talked behind their backs.

On the one hand, I wish I'd never heard him talk like this at all, but on the other hand, now I know what I'm dealing with and what he's capable of. My gut is telling me that this is a dealbreaker for me, especially since this is a relatively new relationship and I haven't invested too much time yet overall. But to be fair, I'm trying to think beyond just my initial reaction of being repulsed. Am I overreacting here? Do you want to stand up and defend these guys so that I will try to look past this? — Shocked by Their Discussions, via email

SHOCKED BY THEIR DISCUSSIONS: There are a lot of things that go on with a lot of people that would be deemed not only unsavory but disgusting. I don't know these particular guys, so I'm absolutely not going to defend them. You had firsthand knowledge of watching their discussions in real time, and you had an immediate gut reaction to what you saw and heard.

Therefore, I believe your involuntary gut reaction was indeed pure from your perspective and should be seriously evaluated as such. Only you know whether or not you feel this particular relationship is worth continuing after what you have witnessed.

The real question at this point is, are you going to trust your initial gut reaction, or are you going to reach for an excuse to try to overlook it?

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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