DR. WALLACE: I have a couple of important decisions to make coming up in my life. In the past, I've had the bad habit of worrying about decisions I need to make right up until the moment they need to be made, and then trying to resolve the issue at the very last deadline, on the fly.

I know I should get started much earlier to make such tough and important decisions, but I face an overwhelming default position of wanting to procrastinate rather than delving into something I find quite difficult. How can I best handle this going forward, especially as I have two more important things coming up? — Tough Decisions Are Not My Thing, via email

TOUGH DECISIONS ARE NOT MY THING: Don't feel alone in this; we all go through various feelings when we face tough decisions in life. They typically cause anxiety, a desire to seek self-comfort, or in some cases, to engage in self-medicating.

I personally think a key to success in this area is to use a metaphor. Imagine you're in a vehicle that's traveling down the road, but you're sitting in the passenger seat and no one else is in the vehicle with you. In that situation, it makes no logical sense not to slide over and take control of the steering wheel.

And so it is, in my opinion, when it comes to big decisions. You not only need to take control of the "steering wheel," but it's absolutely in your best interest to do so. Start immediately to write down your thoughts in a spiral notebook. These days we can all use cell phones, tablets, laptops and other devices, but I find that if you handwrite something out on your own that is truly important, it becomes much more personal, meaningful, and even insightful.

Let your thoughts flow onto the paper; write out things that seem positive with one decision and negative with another, then reverse them and do the exercise again as you continually write your thoughts and create columns of positives, negatives and even neutral elements to each decision. Starting this process several weeks ahead of time, and revisiting this notebook each day for at least 10 to 15 minutes, will help your conscious mind start to attack the situation. But even better, your subconscious mind will also work for you continuously each 24-hour segment between the time that you actually sit and write more information down.

You can also speak to trusted friends, relatives, or others that you wish to garner input from in making the tough decision in front of you. But be cautious and highly selective of who you seek out in this regard, as some others may have ulterior motives that don't necessarily align with your core best interests.

MY MUSIC TEACHER MOM TRUE CONNECTS

DR. WALLACE: My mother is a wonderful person, and she has countless current and former students who really love and respect her. She's a music teacher, and she has been working in this profession for 25 years. I've seen firsthand how she interacts with her students, and how they respond to her as well.

The best way to describe her is that she is an elegant communicator, a person who is compassionate, sensitive, and encouraging all at the same time. I really respect what she does for a living and how she goes about it.

I'm not planning to become a music teacher as my life's profession, but how do I begin to model myself to be able to interact with others the way that my mother does in her job? — Wish to Follow Her Example, via email

WISH TO FOLLOW HER EXAMPLE: Your mother indeed sounds like not only the consummate professional, but an individual who is truly spectacular at what she does and how she cares for her students.

One thing that jumps out at me in hearing you describe your mother's solid attributes within her profession is her sense of leadership. Leadership comes in a lot of forms and formats, and your mother has developed an elegant communication style, as you put it, plus she is compassionate to her students at the various junctures they find themselves in their learning curve when it comes to music.

For you, there's definitely a benefit in having seen up close how your mother operates. Seek to find your own field, and master it in the way that your mother has mastered the art of teaching music. Once you've mastered the subject really well, you can then comfortably and confidently teach and coach it to others to demonstrate leadership in a congruent manner with your mother's efforts. Take an interest in those you work with, and seek to connect with them as you both encourage and guide them forward within the discipline of your chosen field.

Always remember the two pillars of teaching/interacting on any subject are to communicate effectively and to encourage from a position of knowledge and customized engagement.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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