DR. WALLACE: I just turned 18, and I'm very sad. The reason is that a month before my 17th birthday, I gave birth to a baby girl and soon thereafter put her up for adoption. My parents highly advised me to do this, as did uncles and family friends. Even two of my closest girlfriends told me that they thought allowing my daughter to be adopted was the best thing.

I did finish my last two years of high school successfully, and now I'm trying to figure out my future. But something seems to be holding me back subconsciously, and I think I've just realized what it is. I truly would like to get my daughter back if that's possible! I feel so sad that I had to give her up, and now I spend a lot of time thinking about how much better I could take care of her now that I am more mature and have completed high school.

What do you think? Should I try to pursue this, or is it better to start working on convincing myself? Did I make the right decision at that time? — I Really Miss My Daughter, via email

I REALLY MISS MY DAUGHTER: The laws of our country state that a biological parents' rights are terminated upon a legal adoption, and the adoptive parents become the legal guardians of the child.

The only exceptions I'm aware of would involve fraud or extreme coercion done with an undisclosed motive. In your case, based upon your letter, none of this applies. Perhaps at some point in the future, you can seek permission to meet your daughter, but I feel that's better done when she's much older.

For now, you can absolutely embrace your sadness, work through your feelings and know in your heart that you love your little girl very much. The good news is, you put your child's needs ahead of your own back at that time. You can be thankful and take comfort in knowing that your daughter is in a loving home with parents who wanted to raise her very much as their own.

If you feel counseling may be helpful to you, by all means discuss your feelings with a professional or even a social worker. You are also still a very young woman, and perhaps there may be opportunities in the future for you to have a family of your own. And even if you do, your heart will always remain attached to your firstborn.

MY BLIND DATE BECAME PREMATURELY EXPOSED

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and a girl who is a high school senior. I've been in and out of a couple of relationships during my high school years, but to be honest, neither one of them was all that great, and they never amounted to anything lasting.

I'm currently single, but because I'm open to having my friends set me up, I agreed last week to go on a blind date next weekend. This guy goes to a different high school but apparently is well known by a couple of families who know me in our family pretty well. Not only did I agree to the date, but I did speak with him briefly on the phone for about five minutes. He seemed nice enough and was definitely looking forward to meeting me.

But I've encountered a problem! I was shopping with a girlfriend at a clothing store about 15 miles from our houses, and as we walked out of the store in the mall, she blurted out, "Wow, that's your date right there!" She pointed to a guy walking the other direction across the mall from us, and she asked me if I wanted to go up and meet him. I told her that I didn't and that we should just continue minding our own business.

I didn't bring it up any further that day, and when she mildly brought it up one more time, I just told her I didn't think it was a big deal that I saw him. But once I got home and thought about it more, I now feel like I don't want to go out on the date with him because his appearance is not the typical type that I'm interested in. What should I do now? I really don't want to go on the date anymore, but I feel stuck! — My Blind Date Got Exposed, via email

MY BLIND DATE GOT EXPOSED: Go on the date! Show some character and follow through on what you agreed to do.

It was unfortunate that your girlfriend tipped her hand and mentioned who he was to you, but I strongly feel you owe it to him, and especially to yourself, to spend an afternoon or evening with him. When the time comes, focus on who he is, what he has to say and what his interests are. You may find that you have way more in common with him than you think you do. And to eliminate him now just because you glanced at him appears to me to be very shallow on your part.

If the date does not go well enough for you to be interested in a second date, there's no harm in spending a reasonable amount of time with him and honoring the date the two of you agreed to. One last bit of advice: Take time to remember that the last two guys you dated, who apparently reached the physical standards you're normally interested in, both have faded away after not impressing you much while they were around.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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