Help, I'm Out of Touch!

By Dr. Robert Wallace

September 24, 2021 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: I've lost touch with so many friends because of the COVID-19 pandemic and now I truly feel like I've forgotten how to socialize. It's as if my muscle memory in this department has atrophied somewhat.

How can I best move forward again to get my social life back to the way it used to be? I miss the social life I used to have. I'm at the point now where I could use a few suggestions about how best to rebuild my stagnant social life. — Somewhat Socially Distant, via email

SOMEWHAT SOCIALLY DISTANT: I imagine that many people are in a very similar situation to the one you presently find yourself in, given the social isolation that the pandemic has caused. In fact, I would even go so far as to assume that several of your friends are probably feeling the exact same way you do.

When experiencing loneliness, people often tend to respond by withdrawing further into their comfort zones and doing what feels safe. From the position of their comfort zones, they are protected from the possibility of rejection, but they thereby also often unconsciously set themselves up to experience even greater feelings of isolation.

The solution in this type of situation is to do the opposite of what your intuition would normally tell you to do. Therefore, instead of withdrawing from others and being fearful of reengaging socially, I urge you to reach out! Be the first to call or send a text message to a friend that you have not contacted in a while, and ask the individual for an update on life, school or any other relevant topic. Rather than wait for someone to reach out to you and ask you what you need, be proactive and do the same for someone else. Focusing on altruism allows you to get outside of yourself and it positions you to be more open to meaningful, genuine connections. I trust many of your acquaintances will turn into friends once a dialogue is started.

I also encourage you, to the extent that it is safe, to prioritize in-person meetings and gatherings wherever and whenever appropriate. As you mentioned, you might feel that your social skills may be lacking right now, but the only way to reengage and improve them is through practice. Be willing to take a risk and remember that anything valuable and worth pursuing in life will require you to step outside of your comfort zone.

HE'S NOT MY "DAD"

DR. WALLACE: My mom is getting remarried to a guy she has been dating now for almost a year. I'm 17 years old and have a good relationship with my father right now. Over the years as I've grown up, my father and I have always been close and on great terms with each other.

My mom's new husband-to-be recently asked me to call him "dad," but I told him I don't want to call him dad since I already have a father that I call "dad." I told him I'll be friendly towards him and respect this authority, but he got mad at me anyhow over the "dad" word. Is this guy being unreasonable by wanting me to call him "dad" all the time? — Already Have a Dad, via email

ALREADY HAVE A DAD: This man is not your dad. In my opinion it is unreasonable for him to ask you to call him "dad" if you are uncomfortable with that title. However, once he marries your mother, he indeed will then be your stepfather and your mother's husband.

So, I would suggest that you consult with your mother to see what she has to say on this issue. You may want to go into that meeting with a few options to run by her. For example, if I were in your shoes, I would say something like, "Mom, would you prefer that I call your new husband by his first name, or should I address him as 'stepfather'?"

Sometimes it's best to present multiple options so that the other person (your mother in this case) can select the one they prefer.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Free-Photos at Pixabay

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