DR. WALLACE: I've been dating a girl for over a year. I love her, and she has said a few times that she loves me, but there are times when she ignores me, and at other times, she actually treats me like dirt. What really agitates me is that she constantly flirts with other young guys, even when she's out with me. She literally does this right in front of me! I talk to her about her negative behavior toward me, and she says it is just her natural personality and that if it annoys me, I should buzz off. She says that if I can deal with and accept her personality as it is, it would be very positive for our relationship, as it would show maturity on my part. She also becomes very moody at times and takes even the smallest things out on me. She's quick to criticize me and often belittles my choice of clothing or the male friends I choose to hang out with at school.

Now I'm unsure what I should do because I do love her very much. I feel stupid writing for advice, but I don't want to discuss this with anyone I know personally. Both of us are 17, and my friends all think she is very attractive. I don't want to lose her, but I exist now in a sort of tortured silence, as I'm afraid to cross or challenge her on even a small matter. I know that if I do, an argument will erupt. What do you feel I should do? — Unsure of My Next Step, via email

UNSURE: Saying "I love you" can at times be just lip service, especially at the tender age of 17. Yes, there are some teens in deep, love-based relationships at your present age, but, unfortunately, I believe yours is not one of them. You and your girlfriend are not in love, in my opinion, based upon the axiom "actions speak louder than words." It appears the two of you suffer from a deep chasm of incompatibility. I suggest you cut your losses early in this relationship and seek to find a new one based on mutual respect and the ability to communicate fully, easily and openly at all times — two important elements that are absent from your present situation.

THINGS COULD BE MUCH WORSE

DR. WALLACE: I'd like to comment on the letter from the guy who was upset because he was arrested for driving under the influence. This guy said that he "only" had three beers and didn't feel drunk.

My ex-boyfriend would love to be in his shoes today. Not long ago, he left a party with two young ladies after having "a few" beers. Within 5 miles of the party, his car missed a curve and slammed into a tree. One girl was killed on impact, and the other died three days later. My ex, believe it or not, was only slightly injured.

Later, he was fined and sentenced to jail time. But that was the easy part. This guy will spend the rest of his life knowing he is solely responsible for the deaths of two human beings, and that he brought everlasting pain, sorrow and grief to their families — and to his family as well — all because he drove when he "didn't feel drunk." — Anonymous, Laredo, Texas

ANONYMOUS: There is no doubt that drinking and driving is a deadly combination. While local, state and provincial law enforcement officers are always on the lookout for erratic drivers and catch many of them on the highways, the police are vastly outnumbered. Most of the time, people who put away a beer or two — or six — before getting behind the wheel sadly get away with it, when a ticket, a safety course or an arrest would be a vastly better outcome for them and society as a whole.

Teens, please always remember that you can't control another person, but you can control yourself. Never, ever, ride in a car driven by someone who has been drinking, even if the driver appears to act normally. And whenever possible, discourage or prevent drinkers from driving when you are aware they may be at risk of hurting themselves or others.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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