'TWEEN 12 & 20
BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE
RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2018, AND THEREAFTER
You Were Not His Choice
DR. WALLACE: I'm not a goody-goody, but I'm also not living on the edge of being wild. I don't do drugs and never will. The guy I'm dating smokes pot and takes some sort of pills. He is cute, witty, and a pretty good athlete. After our first few dates I told him that I like him and enjoyed being with him, but that if he doesn't stop his drug use, that I would stop seeing him.
It's three months later and he still doing his drug thing. Should I dump him now or give him one final week in which he must choose the drugs or me? I must admit that I do enjoy being with him, but I'm afraid that he might never stop abusing drugs as he's pretty into them now, and his friends all are too. — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: He has apparently already made his choice, and so far, he has not chosen you. Do not date him anymore until he has successfully completed a drug rehabilitation program. If you're feeling a bit bold, you might even directly suggest this to him since you are so close to him. You can explain that you care deeply for him and his well-being. This is the responsible and empathetic way to proceed in your situation. Hopefully your suggestion will cause him to reconsider the path his life is currently on.
TEENS DESERVE PRIVACY
DR. WALLACE: My mother reads my texts on my phone from my boyfriend! I have no idea why she is doing this. I have given her no reason whatsoever to censor my communications.
When I asked her why she snoops so much, she got huffy and said that she was my mother and could do anything she wanted concerning my upbringing and me. Her actions make me feel violated. I now tell my boyfriend to call me more often and not to text me too much.
I think my mother is making a huge mistake with this overbearing behavior, and I sure hope that you agree. Mom has stopped talking to me since I told her we would now talk more and text less due to her snooping. — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: Teens need and deserve privacy, and wise parents will honor it unless it's abused. Young people grow to maturity much more quickly when their rights are respected. A parent has no reason to snoop unless the teen's behavior is such that parental investigation is necessary for the teen's safety and welfare. Violating a teen's privacy just because "I'm the mother" is a power trip and should stop immediately. It will only damage a parent-teen relationship. Finally, don't overreact. I suggest you step up to break the ice by giving your mom a big hug while telling her that you understand why she has been doing this, but that you've done nothing to cause her to worry — and that you fully intend to keep it that way. Perhaps a new era can take root with mutual respect as the new foundation of your relationship with your mother.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
DR. WALLACE: I can't stand going out on a double date. I've done it twice, and both times I had a miserable time.
Last week a boy at my church asked me out, and I told him yes. Two days later, he called me and told me that he forgot to tell me that we're going to double date with his buddy and his date. It seems that she is only allowed to go out with guys on a double date. I told this guy that I "don't do double dates." He then got upset and demanded to know what I had against going on a double date with another couple. I told him I had been on a couple of double dates and did not like them. He tried to convince me that things would be different this time, but I still said no. I don't like being pushed into doing things I don't enjoy.
Today at Sunday services this boy wouldn't even look at me or speak to me. Somehow, I get the feeling that he is a little bit perturbed with me. Did I do anything to deserve this kind of treatment from him? — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: You did nothing wrong. If this young man really wants to go out with you, he'll ask you out again and will assure you that nobody else will tag along with the two of you. Your beau and his buddy should each figure things out independently.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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