DR. WALLACE: I've been reading your column for quite some time and agree with you 95 percent of the time, but when I do disagree, we are miles apart. You advocate violence when bullies confront students. I believe in nonviolence 100 percent of the time. Never do I think that physical violence is the best way to solve a problem.
When we all learn how to turn the other cheek, we will have a much better world. — Pacifist, St. George, Utah
PACIFIST: I, too, am a proponent of nonviolence and believe every peaceful method should be exhausted in dealing with bullies. But what's crucial is that the victim ultimately stands his or her ground.
Bullies are indeed scourges of schoolyards. They love to threaten, extort, assault and punish, as long as their victims remain passive and/or silent. In many cases, the victim is afraid to ask for help from teachers, administrators or even parents, for fear the bully will retaliate even further. As long as a bully can get away with it, the reign of terror will continue.
Good administrators will tell the teaching staff to be on the alert for incidents of bullying and will take swift action to see that it is eliminated immediately. But even when the staff is on guard to spot bullies, some incidents inevitably escape their attention. Students who are being harassed should tell school personnel and their parents. This is usually enough to end their harassment.
Unfortunately, not all administrators consider bullying a serious problem; some refuse to believe bullies attend their school — even when contacted by parents and students pointing out the bullying behavior. And some parents, for whatever reason, fail to take their child's troubles seriously, leaving the victim utterly alone. That's when the victim must take matters into his or her own hands and, if words don't work, fight back.
Bullies enjoy seeing the fear they instill in their victims, but they usually don't enjoy fighting. Once the bully finds out his victim will defend himself, the bulling usually stops. Even if the bully wins the fight and the victim winds up with a fat lip, a wound will heal much faster than the emotional pain of doing nothing, which can last for years.
But, again, I stress that fisticuffs, or delivering a physical shove are the last resort and should be used only when all peaceful efforts have failed. I say this as a former high school principal who has seen the emotional devastation that sets in when bullying persists unchecked over a long period of time.
I AGREE WITH MOM
DR. WALLACE: Last week my mother found out that my friends were drinking regularly. When we discussed it, I told her that, yes, my friends did drink, but, no, I didn't drink and was not tempted by their behavior. Immediately my mom overreacted and told me to quit hanging around with these friends and to find new ones. Of course, I don't want to do this. I've convinced mom to let me write to you and get your opinion before she makes her final decision. I hope you will see things from my point of view. — Kathleen, Columbus, Oh.
KATHLEEN: Peer pressure is powerful. The fact that you have not participated when they are drinking thus fare doesn't mean that your friends haven't offered you alcohol. Drinkers enjoy having those around them drink. Dr. Richard Schwartz at Georgetown University School of Medicine says that on average, a drinker convinces three others to try alcohol. In this instance, I agree with mom that you should find some new friends who share your nondrinking philosophy.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
View Comments