DR. WALLACE: About six months ago, our church had a list of teens from England who wanted to be pen pals with American teens. I'm 16 and selected a 17-year-old boy who lives in Stratford, England. We have written to each other about a dozen times and we have exchanged photographs and small gifts. All of our correspondence deals with our cities and schools. Stratford is a city noted for its Shakespeare Festival. I'd like to go there someday.
My reason for contacting you is that my mother doesn't work, so her big thrill is to wait for the letter carrier to put mail in our mailbox. Now you might say, why do we mail our letters instead of using email? Well, we like to save the stamps from overseas plus we like the photos we enclose with each letter to each other. Yes, we could attach photos with email, but it's more fun to wait for a physical letters and photographs via "snail mail."
However, when his letters are delivered, my mom takes the liberty to open and read his letters before I get home from school. This really bothers me. I have asked her not to open my mail, but she continues to and says it's no big deal. To me, it is a big deal, and it's getting bigger. I feel my privacy is being violated. We are both good kids and our interactions are harmless.
Please print my letter in your column that parents should honor the teen privacy, so I can show my mom. Thanks. — Violet, Indianapolis
VIOLET: Trust between a parent and teen is extremely important, and it cuts both ways. Unless you've violated trust, your mother should respect your privacy and not open his letters for any other mail addressed to you. Mom is making a serious error when she does. I receive many letters and emails on this subject and almost all are from girls who get their mail opened by their mothers.
YOU ARE FORTUNATE
DR. WALLACE: I'm 20, a high school graduate, and have a good job working for an insurance company. I'm seeing a very special guy and we have been talking about getting married on my 21st birthday this upcoming November. I love this guy, and I know that he is in love with me. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He works for the same company as a claims adjuster.
A few years ago, I was dating a guy I thought I loved even though he was heavily into drugs. Foolishly, I allowed him to talk me into trying marijuana and cocaine but luckily, we broke up before I became dependent. I've never done drugs since, not even once. I used more marijuana than cocaine back then, but I did "coke" at least a dozen times. I know that drugs can have a negative effect on unborn babies. If I do get married and become a mother, will my prior drug use of any effect on my first baby some day? - Remorseful, Portland, Oregon
REMORSEFUL: Your chances of having a baby with a birth defect because of your former drug habit would be negligible because of the time that has passed — if you continue to stay clean. Still it would be a good idea for you to get a complete physical examination from your doctor. This would put your mind at ease. You are indeed fortunate that your "experiment" with drugs ended when your relationship with a drug addict ended. You've received a gift with this second chance to stay clean. Be sure you understand and respect the value of that gift. Your future family depends on it.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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