DR. WALLACE: I've got a huge problem. Actually, the problem belongs to my mother, but I'm the one suffering from it. My parents were divorced over four years ago and I live alone with my mom. It was a very bitter divorce and my dad has moved to another state and has remarried.

I haven't seen or heard from my dad since the divorce and it's because the divorce was very bitter and my mother hates my dad. She has not allowed me to have any visits or phone calls from him.

I don't mean to paint my mom as a selfish monster, because the opposite is true. She was a single mother ever since the divorce and has done a super job in raising me. The problem is that I'm 17 and will be graduating from high school next June. I think it's time that I should be allowed to have a father-daughter relationship with my dad.

I love my father. Before the divorce were very close and I miss him. I see my grandmother (my Dad's mother) once in a while and she always tells me that my father misses me and loves me. I do have his address and phone number and I really want to contact him. My problem is that I'm afraid that if my mom finds out, she will be very angry and create a major scene.

I will be living at home the rest of this school year and next summer, but I plan to live on campus when I attend the University of Oregon in Eugene next fall. What do you think I should do? — Nervous, Portland, Ore.

NERVOUS: Wait until after you graduate from high school before telling Mom about your plans — that you're going to contact your father and try to strike up a happy relationship with him. Reassure Mom that you love her very much, but don't let her dissuade you. Then contact your father and make him an important part of your life.

FIRST LOVES ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN

DR. WALLACE: I'm in 10th grade and need a little help. Last year this guy and I were considered to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We were always together before school, at lunch, and after school. I didn't get a chance to see him at all during summer break because he had to spend the summer in Nova Scotia, Canada, with his grandparents.

When school started this fall, one of his friends came up to me on the first day of school and told me that this guy did not want to see me anymore. It was the truth because even though I see him at school, he has not said one word to me. In fact, he avoids even looking at me.

He was my first love, and I still love him, and this has made me feel really sad. I talked to my mom about this and she said that I should forget about him and concentrate on my studies. That sounds like good advice, but it's not easy for me to forget him.

Please tell me what to do. I don't think I can ever forget him! — Pam, Bangor, Maine.

PAM: First loves, many times, are never forgotten, but sitting at home hoping the romance will restart is a waste of time. Get involved in school activities. This will provide you with the opportunity to make new friends, both boys and girls.

When you are socially active, you will put the memory of your first love in the back of your mind, subject to recall whenever you feel the need to romanticize.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.