DR. WALLACE: I'm a 14-year-old boy. Where I live, all the kids go on dates when they are in high school. I'm in the 9th grade, and my father won't let me go on dates until I'm 15. I've had a girlfriend for the past five months and she expects me to go out with her. Do you think my father is doing the right thing? — Nameless, Charleston, W.Va.

NAMELESS: The key word is "date." First of all, don't tell Dad you want to date because all the other kids your age are dating. That's a real parent turnoff.

Is studying in the city library considered a date? Give it a try. Ask Dad if he will allow you and your girlfriend to study together some Saturday. If he says no, then you will have to accept the rule Dad has laid down. If he says yes, slowly build his confidence in you and ask for more opportunities to see your girlfriend, such as spending a few hours window-shopping at the mall and getting a snack. Take it slow and easy!

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, CONTACT A PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old girl who needs your help. I'm concerned about my mom. She is 49 years old and lives with my stepfather. To help with finances, she babysits several children in her home during the week.

The problem is that she never leaves the house, and if she's invited somewhere, she always says she is sick. Once in a while, she will go out in the yard, but never any farther than her own yard. When I graduated, she didn't even show up for my graduation. I have my own apartment and I'm planning to get married next year. I'd like to be able to share many things and do some planning with her, but whenever I invite her out for lunch, she always seems to be sick and we never get time together.

My older brothers and sisters also think she is out of touch and secluding herself from the outside world. We all agree that she probably needs help, but we don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions? — Kelly, Fort Wayne, Ind.

KELLY: Your mom's behavior is definitely troubling. You and one of your siblings should have a serious talk with your stepfather and see what he thinks can be done. Does she ever go out of the house with him? If not, he must also be frustrated. You should also let him know that all of the children are concerned that she is behaving much like a hermit. Perhaps he will have some insight and also some ideas for helping reach your mom and encourage her to participate in a few activities away from her house.

If all attempts to pry your mom away from the house fail, I would suggest that a family member contact a professional therapist — and soon.

ABSTINENCE IS STILL BEST

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 15-year-old girl and I think I should find out about the use of a condom because I'm confused about how to use them. I'm not sexually active now, but at some point in my life I will be. If they are used correctly, how reliable are they? What are the odds that they will prevent an unwanted pregnancy and prevent sexually transmitted diseases? — Nameless, Monmouth, Ill.

NAMELESS: Condoms are not foolproof in preventing sexually transmitted diseases or in preventing pregnancy. However, if used properly, the failure rate of condoms is less than 5 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

For those who are sexually active, it is imperative that a condom is used, but abstinence is still the only sure way to eliminate the risk of unwanted pregnancy and minimize the chances of catching a sexually transmitted disease.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.