DR. WALLACE: I'm embarrassed to tell you this, but my mother got caught last week in a police "sting" at a retail clothing store for shoplifting. This has caused chaos within our family. My father is doing all he can to cover it up and keep our friends and neighbors from finding out about it.

I don't know what's going on with my mother, and I'm really shocked to find out that she did this. It seems hard to believe to me, because we have always been able to buy enough clothing and food to have a comfortable life, even though we aren't a wealthy family. We've always gotten by just fine, so this came as a total surprise.

At 17, I'm the eldest of three siblings, and my younger sister has taken it pretty hard. I've had a chance to talk to her to calm her down and reason with her. But my biggest problem at the moment is my 13-year-old brother. He has actually been acting out briefly around the house when our parents haven't been near him. He has told me openly that he's never going to listen to my mother again, because she now has "no credibility" to tell him what to do and enforce rules on him. He seems to think this is now going to give him an ongoing free pass to do whatever he wants to do. My father works late and travels a lot for his job, so our mom usually makes and enforces rules.

Should I say anything to my parents about this, or just stay quiet and continue to tell my brother to calm down and stop acting so foolishly? I don't want him to get any ideas that he can now do something outrageous without consequences, as his personality tends to tilt that way. Normally, I would say something to my parents, but given the situation, I know that they have a lot on their minds right now. — Our Family is Shocked, via email

OUR FAMILY IS SHOCKED: The situation you have described is unfortunate all the way around. Hopefully your mother can do some soul-searching and get some help and assistance, as she obviously has a problem she needs to deal with before she can resume her regular life.

As for your brother, my recommendation is that you give him a very stern warning and tell him you'll be keeping an eye on him and that he shouldn't make any disparaging comments about your mother because all of you siblings don't know the exact details of what happened at this point.

So just do your best to keep him under control, and be sure he's following the normal family rules. After the one warning, if he indeed does act out, immediately go directly to your father. Preface the conversation by saying that you know he has a lot to deal with right now, but that you wanted to bring your brother's situation to his attention. Mention that you tried to handle it first on your own with a stern warning. You could also recommend that the three of you — your brother, your father and you — could all sit down together to have an open discussion so your brother doesn't get out of line at this sensitive time for your family.

MY FATHER'S COMMENTS DIRECTLY CONFLICT WITH HIS TEACHINGS

DR. WALLACE: I'm one of four kids in our family and our parents, particularly our father, have always raised us to be polite and respectful of everyone, all of the time. I think his influence worked because all four of us are very polite and easy-going whenever we meet someone new, and we especially respect our elders.

But one thing really confuses me about my father. Despite his insistence that we are respectful to everyone as a matter of principle, there's one glaring example that he frequently says out loud that upsets me. Three retired ladies live five houses down from us on the corner of the two streets we live by. They are not related; they are just three friends who live together to enjoy having a house and friends to spend time with.

I know this because my mother and I visited one of their garage sales and they explained everything to us shortly after they first moved into the neighborhood. They were all very nice and friendly people.

What upsets me is that my father will often call them "the old hens" when he is referring to them! Just the other day, he actually asked my mother at a family dinner if we should invite "the old hens" to our Thanksgiving dinner this year! I was surprised to hear him say that, and even more surprised that nobody spoke up or said anything about that comment, which I felt was out of line. My mother answered that it would, of course, be a good idea to invite the ladies if they don't have any other plans for that holiday.

Should I talk to my father sometime about this? I feel if I bring it up to him, he might view it as confrontational. But if I don't bring it up, I kind of feel like I am endorsing him in saying that by staying silent.

My father is a really good guy, and he doesn't mean anything bad by that. He did actually show some thoughtfulness in considering inviting them to our Thanksgiving celebration this year. That's why bringing it up, I think, might not be a good idea. — Don't Like His Nickname for Them, via email

DON'T LIKE HIS NICKNAME FOR THEM: I agree with you completely. He may think this is a cute nickname, but it's truly disparaging and should not be uttered out loud, ever.

But instead of feeling that you need to say something directly to your father yourself, go to your mother and mention to her that it makes you feel very uncomfortable, especially since you and your siblings have been raised to show respect to everyone and that you feel this nickname he's using is indeed disrespectful.

Also mention that you don't wish to challenge your father directly, as that may be perceived as disrespectful, so enlist your mother to be your advocate to have a discussion with your father about this matter. Your mother might even agree to say that one of the children brought it up without specifying who exactly mentioned it. It truly doesn't matter who initiated the conversation, but I commend you for realizing when something is wrong and can easily be corrected.

And finally, I have a new suggested nickname that you, your family, and especially your father can use when referring to these three ladies who live on the corner of your street. Simply call them "the friendly ladies on the corner."

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Ye Jinghan at Unsplash