DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and an only child. My parents had a really rough divorce about six months ago.
I live full-time with my mother, and my father now lives about an hour away in another town. For the first three months of their divorce, I spent weekends with my father because he lived only a few blocks away from where my mom lives.
But now that he's an hour away, I only get to see him occasionally. One of the big problems is that there are times when my dad will call or text me and name a specific day and time he can take me out to a restaurant, to a movie or to do some shopping at our local mall. But once my mom hears me mention anything about his plans, she will immediately tell me that she had something scheduled for me to do with her at that exact same time. This makes me feel really sad because my father and I have a really good relationship with each other, similar to the one I have with my mother. I miss my father a lot and of course want to see him every chance I can get.
The first time this happened, I thought it was just a coincidence, but now that it's happened three times in a row. I know she's doing this on purpose to keep me away from my father as much as possible.
They are not on the greatest terms, so I don't know what I can do about this. — My Parents Don't Get Along, via email
MY PARENTS DON'T GET ALONG: I feel it's important that you tell your father exactly what you've told me here. Let him know exactly what's happening and why you've had to cancel several times.
He can easily email or text your mother directly to find a suitable time to spend with you rather than using you as the point person in between.
Both your parents have the responsibility of allowing access for you to spend time with your father. I trust that once your father is aware of the manipulation your mother is engaging in, he can remedy the situation, hopefully diplomatically. And it certainly makes sense for him to be able to plan in advance, given his two-hour commute to come and spend time directly with you.
WHAT IS SO MAGIC ABOUT ANY PARTICULAR DAY?
DR. WALLACE: I'm a teenage girl who is almost 16, but I won't reach that magic age until about a month and a half into the next school year.
This means I've missed the entire summer in terms of being able to go out on a date. I feel this is really unfair, and I've told my parents this many times.
But no matter how many ways I explained it to them, and how often I told them that nothing magical happens the morning after I am 15 years and 364 days old, both my parents seem to think there's something magic about the number "16" in terms of allowing me to date. Why do parents like mine act so ridiculous over issues like me being able to go out on a date for the first time? — My Parents Are Illogical, via email
MY PARENTS ARE ILLOGICAL: For whatever reason, your parents decided in advance for you to wait until your 16th birthday to be able to go out on a date. Actually, this number is not that uncommon, although I've heard stories of teenagers being allowed to date sooner and even later than that particular milestone.
I agree with the logic that you present that you don't have anything magical happening between the day before your 16th birthday and the morning of your 16th birthday. However, our society is set up on milestones, rules and regulations.
For example, presently no American is allowed to vote at the age of 17 years and 364 days, but any person who turns 18 or is even a few days past 18 can vote in elections once registered. The very same is true regarding consuming alcohol at the age of 21. Twenty years and 364 days doesn't cut it, and national laws are enforced accordingly.
You are slowly growing into an adult, both in terms of your body's development and your mind's experience and awareness as well. This is part of the adult experience: following rules and accepting societal norms that have been put in place before you. Yes, in this case, your parents were able to set a specific time they would allow you to date, but I would encourage you to look forward and not back at this point. Soon enough, you'll be able to engage in and explore the dating world, and once that happens in your near future, your focus will be decidedly on your future, not on your past.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema at Unsplash
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