I'm a New Parent of Two Teenagers

By Dr. Robert Wallace

August 12, 2023 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: I've been single my entire life, but a few years ago I met the woman who is now my fiance. She was a widow when we met, having lost her husband four years before I got to know her.

Her two children were younger when we first got to know each other, but now they are teenagers, and I am going to be their stepfather.

How can I be the best parent I can be to these teens? I want to do a great job, but I'll admit that I feel pressure to be perfect because I truly love my fiance and her family and hope that we can all grow together and become a family unit for the rest of our lives. — Nervous But Hopeful, via email

NERVOUS BUT HOPEFUL: Congratulations and I wish you and your family every success in blending well together for the long run as a happy, successful family.

Start by having very open lines of communication with your wife about the expectations of how your children should be raised. Try to cover as much ground as possible so that there'll be as few surprises as possible especially early on in the process.

And when you do encounter a situation that hadn't been thought out previously, resist the temptation to make a snap decision in the moment. Instead, try to calm the situation such that you'll have time to huddle with your spouse so that the two of you in harmony can bring the situation to an effective resolution.

Consistency is the key once communication has its foundation firmly in place. Be loving but firm, and above all consistent and reliable to the teenagers that will grow gradually to count on you more and more.

I FEEL I'VE MISSED SO MUCH I MAY WANT TO RETURN EVEN WITH A GED

DR. WALLACE: I had some physical setbacks my junior year in high school, and they are carrying over this summer as well.

I would really like to get back on my feet and attend classes in person at my high school if possible, starting this fall. But if I can't, my parents want me to shift gears and start preparing for college while simultaneously getting my GED to wrap up my high school graduation requirements.

Even if I miss another year of high school, something inside me wants to go to another year of high school even If I get my GED. I know all my classmates would be gone by then, and I'd be a year older than everyone else in the senior class, but for some reason I keep thinking about it over and over. Should I consider trying to reenter my high school as a 19-year-old just so that I can feel better about getting my high school diploma, or should I follow my parents' advice and start studying for college right now?

My grades have always been good, so there are a couple of nice colleges that will likely accept me even in my current condition, which may require a GED to wrap up my high school experience. — Feeling Left Behind, via email

FEELING LEFT BEHIND: I can understand how you feel about your high school experience, since it was cut short for you through no fault of your own. Your health has dictated your prior circumstances, and for the time being continues to do so.

I agree with your parents at this point. You should make plans to attend the college of your choice and be sure you have all of your admissions forms and paperwork submitted as soon as possible. Assuming you may be physically well enough to attend your freshman year of college, one potential benefit is that you will likely encounter several of your former classmates at the college you ultimately select. Being able to resume shared experiences with them by attending classes together once again will no doubt lift your spirits in a way that I predict will be far greater than attempting to resume your high school days with all new classmates.

And as your college graduation approaches, your high school years and the frustration you've experienced in that regard will likely begin to fade as your college friendships and experiences take center stage in your mind for the rest of your life. Good luck with your journey. I am rooting hard for you to succeed with your goals.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Hoi An Photographer at Unsplash

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