DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and this one guy at my high school asked me out to two dances this past school year, but on both occasions, I turned him down. One of the times I already had a date, and the other time I wasn't sure if I was going to attend the dance or not, plus I didn't really know him, so I simply said no but thanked him for asking me.

This summer, since I have a lot more free time, I've been hanging out with different groups of friends, and it turns out that this guy has a mutual friend or two with some good friends that I've come to know this summer.

I also found out that he's not dating anybody steadily, and he seems to be a reasonably nice guy. So, the other day I actually asked him out on a casual date, to go get some lunch together at our local mall, but he looked right at me and said "No, but thanks for asking!"

What's strange is that I know he really wanted to date me this last school year, and one of my girlfriends told me that she heard through friends that he really wants to ask me out sometime. Now what can I do? He asked me out twice last school year and I said no to him, and now I've asked him out and he said no to me. Is it over? Should I just forget about him entirely? — Amused But Confused, via email

AMUSED BUT CONFUSED: It sounds to me like a typical case of turnabout is fair play. His male pride might've been dented a little bit by your two turndowns of his requests during this past school year. Now when you surprised him by asking him out, he was able to reestablish some of his pride by turning you down. In my book now, you're pretty close to even!

Since you think enough of him, and find him to be a nice person, and have heard through the grapevine that he's likely still interested in you, I do have a suggestion for you. The next time you come across him in a group setting, smile and even talk to him in a great tone in front of the group. Then when you get a quiet moment to speak to him away from the group, let him know that if he ever might wish to ask you out to an event in the future, he would be likely to get a different answer then he did last school year.

This way the ball will be in his court, and he can approach you if and when he wishes to ask you out, and hopefully he will at some point. You'll have cleared the way for him, and at this point, I feel that's the best you can do to keep the possibilities open.

SHOULD I OFFER TO HELP?

DR. WALLACE: I'm taking a fairly hard math class here in summer school, and we have only two and a half weeks left until it ends. I'm a great student, especially at math, so if I study hard, I'll pass with a good grade for sure.

What's strange to me, however, is that there's this big, burly guy in our class who doesn't say much, but I can tell that he's struggling to keep up with the subject matter. This guy has the reputation at our school of being a tough, mean guy who is not to be challenged or messed with. Other than that, I don't really know much about him at all. However, here in summer school he has not caused any trouble and has hardly spoken to anyone, other than the teacher when he's called upon.

I'm pretty intimidated by him, but I have this silent voice in the back of my head that is telling me that I should go up to him and ask him a few questions about the class and then see if he might consider studying together for a few afternoons. I kind of know I could help him to understand the class better, and maybe he could pass the class so he can get his credit for it.

He's never been mean to me at school before; in fact, we don't know each other and have never even spoken to each other during our regular school years. Should I follow my gut feeling and approach him, or simply stay away because he might be big trouble or really mean? — Intimidated, but Know I Can Help, via email

INTIMIDATED, BUT KNOW I CAN HELP: Follow your inner voice! Do so politely and confidently and look him right in the eyes as you offer to study together. Be ready to ask him a question just in case he asks you why you'd ever want to study with him, for example. (And if he were to say that, tell him your parents often let you study with study partners and that you don't have one in this class.)

Be casual and as relaxed as you can be. He doesn't know you and has no grudge with you, so don't worry about what you may have heard before. You can mention to your parents that you'd like to study with a partner to prepare for the final exam in this summer class, and see if it would be all right to invite him over to your home to do so. You'd be on your own turf, and this should ease your mind quite a bit.

Many people from all walks of life get labeled for various reasons. We are all unique individuals who don't neatly fit into small, one-dimensional boxes or definitions. We each are complex beings with a lot to offer and a lot to live for and learn about the world around us. In your case, there was some reason you experienced the feelings you've had. As long as your parents agree, I see no reason why you should not follow through on your idea. Even if he declines your offer, simply smile and say, "I understand, but if you change your mind, I'm here," and leave it at that.

We never know when we might be able to positively impact the world or others around us. I commend you for thinking enough about this situation to write in for advice about it.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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