DR. WALLACE: My parents divorced years ago, and I'm now 20 and in college. My mom and I live with my younger brother in the greater Denver area, and my father lives in Florida these days.

For the past three years, I've had a tradition of spending a month in Florida with my dad every summer. It's super fun down there, and I really enjoy spending time with my father. Each year, I've also had some free time to go out on my own for a while. The very first year I was in Florida, I met a really nice guy who is three years older than I am. We didn't really have a formal relationship but we always spent lots of time hanging out with each other when my father was at work, and I've really grown close to this guy. In fact, I've often daydreamed of him when I'm back home in Colorado.

We've kept in touch via texts, email and social media over the years, and I always secretly hoped that we would become a regular, steady couple once I graduated college and could get a good career. I envisioned moving to Florida to be near him and my father. It seemed just too good a dream to have to be true.

Well, it turns out it was too good to be true! I'm halfway through this year's trip and I'm writing to you from Florida right now. My bad news is that my dream guy, although he has been nice and hung out with me a few times this summer, has told me directly last night that he's just gotten engaged!

I was stunned to hear this. My spirit got a little crushed, too. I never really told him just how much I like or even love him, and now it appears he's going to be off the market. What should I do? I just told him a feeble congratulations, but I'll bet he knows I'm not happy to hear his news.

Before I go back to Colorado in two weeks, should I pour my heart out and tell him all the things that I never really told him before? Maybe if I do, he'd change his mind and end his engagement. I feel so sad right now. — Blindsided, via email

BLINDSIDED: Ouch! I could feel your sense of sadness just by reading your letter. The good news is that you have a wonderful friend there in Florida, and your dear father lives there, too, so next year, you can check in and see how things have gone for him.

Right now, as painful as it is, I would not advise you to encourage him to end his engagement. You two have really had not much more than a wonderful summer friendship that has spanned a few years. He has a full life that he lives the other 11 months of the year, and it appears he's moving on with it.

Do your best to realize that all you can do now is to support him and check in with him as a friend from time to time. Perhaps you'll soon find a special person in your life in your own area, and this young man might just end up being a great platonic friend to you over your lifetime.

I ALREADY KNOW I'M BETTER THAN THAT

DR. WALLACE: My parents are both wonderful, professional people. They are driven and they are both quite successful in their careers. I always get a lot of praise from them when I get good grades, which is often my case. That's nice of course, but I'm human, and when I do make mistakes or come up short in some area of my life, it seems my parents really lay a big guilt trip on me and tell me, "You're better than that. You know better!"

This makes me feel absolutely awful and it totally erases the lukewarm praise I do get when I do well. It seems like their praise is mild, but their criticism of me is quite harsh and sometimes completely unwarranted. There have been occasions I've missed curfews due to things out of my control, like the time a friend literally got a flat tire one night on the freeway.

What can I do but stew about this? I love my parents, but I don't feel they are treating me fairly with the balance of their comments when they're compared with the balance of my life choices and character. — Harshly Chastised, via email

HARSHLY CHASTISED: I believe that parents should do their utmost to provide unconditional love to their children. You correctly pointed out that we are all human and not one of us will have a perfect track record when compared with what a parent would consider to be a perfect child.

I suggest that you sit down and discuss this matter with both of them when there is a calm and peaceful time to do so. Go ahead and mention that this issue has weighed on your mind enough to write to an advice column for suggestions as to what to do about it.

Let your parents know that I feel an open, honest discussion with just the three of you is in order here. You can start this out by stating that you always seek to do well and that you appreciate their praise, but that the tone and demeanor of their criticism makes you feel really bad deep down inside. No parent would want to hurt a child in this way, so I trust if your conversation can be had from the perspective of getting along better in the future, it will be well worth the time and effort to do so. Let mom and dad know that you do "know better" already, and that you do strive to do well and stay within the family rules at all times. Mention also that you strive to live up to your own standards of personal behavior and character, beyond just wanting to please them.

End your speech by looking them both in the eyes and telling them that you love them and that your wish is for a bit more harmonious dialogue between the three of you. It could be that in their busy careers they are used to barking out, "You're better than that" to co-workers who need to elevate their workplace game, but that mantra should not be used casually and often when it comes to their family within the walls of their home.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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