DR. WALLACE: Many of my friends are slowly leaving town to move into their colleges. My best friend's boyfriend just left our hometown, and it has been really hard on her. She is constantly sad and is having a really hard time accepting that they are going to have to do their best to sustain a long-distance relationship now for the foreseeable future.

Her boyfriend even reached out to me and my other close friend to make sure we are hanging out with her so she is distracted and not too depressed that they can't spend time in person regularly like they did before.

I thought that was a little odd, but we have attempted to reach out and make plans with her. She now often says that she is busy or that we will get together another day. The issue with this is that she is really not too busy as far as I can tell, and that she is trying to cope with her situation by just staying at home.

I am really worried about her and want to support her during this hard time but am unsure how to. What should I do? — Want to Support My Friend, via email

WANT TO SUPPORT MY FRIEND: I believe you are off to a good start by inviting her out with your group regularly, but you definitely have to give her some space during this time of her adjustment.

It could be that she's concerned that in the group the talk will be about boyfriends and significant others, and this might make her feel even more heartsick over her own situation.

Therefore, it might be best to adjust your approach slightly. Instead of asking her out to normal group events where the previously mentioned discussions will likely be prevalent, ask her instead to events where the focus will be decidedly different. Examples of this could be to invite her out to a music concert, a movie or even to do volunteer work within your community, perhaps at a home for the elderly.

An outing or venue that offers a different and specific focus may be much better for her at this point in time. Often, doing volunteer work helps those who are depressed to refocus their thoughts on assisting others, and this can be rewarding on many levels. Just be sure to be ready to accompany her and tell any others who may similarly attend to keep the conversations away from relationships, at least for a moderate period of time while she adjusts to her new reality.

HIS WORDS ARE OFTEN CRITICAL

DR. WALLACE: This summer, I met and have been dating a guy from the nearest high school to the one I attend in my home city.

He's good-looking and a star athlete at his school, so I was flattered when he asked me out after I met him at a group event early this summer. Since I didn't know him at all, and none of my friends knew about his personality either, I've had to kind of learn more about him as we've spent time together.

Most things seem to work out fine between us, however I've noticed one thing that I must admit does bother me. He often will make snide or degrading comments to me if I misspeak, repeat something in a conversation or basically use a word incorrectly.

The other day, I was telling him about an event I witnessed, and it was kind of complicated. It took a few minutes to explain it all, and toward the end of my explanation I repeated just a small part of something I said at the beginning of the conversation. As soon as I said that, he jumped in and said in a harsh tone of voice, "You already mentioned that!" The way he said it was condescending, and I felt like he was belittling me. Am I just overly sensitive and should I just ignore this and focus on the good things about him? Or is this a big enough deal to worry about? — Unsure, via email

UNSURE: I would consider it a big deal. When one partner in a relationship persists in speaking down or harshly to the other, it is not a good sign or a healthy way to communicate.

Over the years, I've read several studies about relationships involving people of all ages, from teenagers to elderly adults. When it came to marriages, one study in particular mentioned that the greatest predictor of a successful marriage or a pending divorce was often determined to a great degree of accuracy by the way that the two involved in the relationship spoke with each other. If even general, daily conversations feel like a martial arts exhibition, where one person needs to defend or fend off even subtle or subliminal attacks, this is decidedly not a good sign and foretells other underlying issues.

Of course, you can mention to him that you don't appreciate the way he speaks to you or even mention in a gentler way that you would appreciate it if he would speak to you in a more symbiotic way, but I highly doubt he can or will make this adjustment quickly and willingly.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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