DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old guy and had been dating my girlfriend for about two and half months when she told me that, even though we had a lot of fun times, she had decided that she didn't want to go steady anymore. She said we could hang out occasionally, but she would like to immediately date some other guys.

I feel kind of heartbroken since I really liked her a lot. I know that once she dates other guys, I won't want to date her casually during that time. I keep thinking if we had just taken time to work things out between the two of us first, before she made this decision, everything would've worked out for the best between us and we'd still be together today.

Now I feel like I've wasted three months, including most of my summer, dating her exclusively. How can I avoid wasting more time in the future with another girl? — Unhappy guy, via email

UNHAPPY GUY: My advice is to not look at your previous relationship as a waste of time but rather as a learning experience. Now that it is over, you can catch your breath and think carefully about what it was that attracted you to her in the first place, and what you enjoyed most about this relationship. These factors will greatly help you as you look to the future and ask new girls to go out on dates with you. Resist the temptation to just ask any girl out on a date and instead seek to find potential areas of compatibility first, and your dating career will go much smoother going forward.

But also take some time to look back on the elements of your past relationship that you feel were not so good, or that definitely could've used improvement. Be honest with yourself and think about the things you could've done better in the relationship, as well as those you feel might have contributed more to your mutual harmony. This exercise will also be a healthy one for you as you get back out into the dating pool.

Early relationships for teens are quite important in their lives, especially via the experience gained and the chance to learn about themselves. I feel strongly that doing an honest, balanced review like I've suggested can go a long way toward your future happiness.

I NEVER ACT ON MY CRUSHES!

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and have hardly dated at all yet. I've had several strong crushes on potential dating partners, but I never make any contact with them, and therefore, they don't even seem to know that I exist.

I'm a regular teen for my age; it's just that I'm shy and don't speak up much around others. I'd like to date more but I don't know how to go about it. The next time I develop a crush, what can I do about it? — Sitting on the sidelines, via email

SITTING ON THE SIDELINES: Definitely don't only continue to do what you've been doing up to this point! By this I mean that longing silently from afar has done you no good. Therefore, you need to be proactive even though you're shy. Seek to find common interests with other individuals you'd like to date and try to put yourself in a position where you can meet each other over a hobby, school club or activity that would bring you together or at least in close proximity.

Also, seek to make a couple of close friends who may have something in common with you. As friends, you could take turns seeking to introduce each other to potential dating partners. Sometimes a direct introduction can be made, but other times it may be easier to approach a friend or acquaintance of the target person one of you would like to date. In any case, many teenagers feel a sense of safety and confidence when they're part of a group, rather than simply trying to go it alone. Socialize, network and seek to gradually bring yourself out of your shell by saying hello to several strangers each day. Smile at people as you pass them in the halls, and relax and understand that many people feel uneasy socially, just like you do. However, those who get dates do push past their insecurities and actually communicate and engage with others.

Realize this will take time, and you may not get perfect results at first, but stick with it. Over time, you'll develop and improve your personal social skills, and you'll get the hang of conversing with others and finding out what qualities you cherish most in potential dating partners.

All of this will serve to bring you closer to meaningful dates and will also have a residual benefit of helping you develop your personal confidence and tilt your personality a few degrees more outgoing than it presently is.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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