DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl and my best friend is also 17. We attend the same high school and have been best friends for the past two years. We spend a lot of our free time together and know each other well on many levels.

I'm facing a tough situation since my friend wants me to lie to her parents to cover for her regarding a situation that she got herself into. I don't want to mention any of the specifics in case someone might know who we are as it's a pretty unusual situation.

She's never asked me to lie for her before, so her request kind of shocked me. I didn't say much beyond saying that I'd have to think about it. However, now that I have thought about it, I'm sure that I don't want to compromise my morals, character or honor by lying to her parents.

What can I do now? I'm feeling trapped and I'm dreading the next time I see her in person, because she wants this resolved quite soon. — Stuck in the Middle of Her Drama, via email

STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF HER DRAMA: Start by telling her what a good friend she is and how much you value her friendship. Also take the time to tell her how important your character, your honor and your word is to you. Mention that you really respect and like her parents, and that you could never in good faith tell a direct lie to them.

Tell your friend that you sympathize with her situation, but that it's very rare that the truth does not come out at some point, no matter what the situation is, and therefore it may be best for her to own up to it. Tell her that if she does this, you'll support her fully along the way and even go with her to inform her parents if that's appropriate.

This is indeed one of life's very tough situations, and I know it is beyond uncomfortable for you. Be calm and honest with her and do your best to help her find an amenable solution to her situation so long as it does not involve having you or anyone else tell falsehoods to cover up for her actions.

MY ADULT DAUGHTER BROKE MY RULES

DR. WALLACE: I'm a mother, not a teen, but I want your advice if you're willing to give it to me. My 19-year-old daughter lives at home with me, and we get along well for the most part. However, I've told her repeatedly that I don't want her to do drugs of any kind or drink alcohol, either.

It's true that I've never caught her drunk, or even coming home with alcohol on her breath, but in the last few months I have absolutely picked up a scent of marijuana around her person, hair and clothes a few times on the weekends.

I don't normally look through her room, but because of this I took a light look around while she was out this past weekend. I did indeed find a bag of marijuana and a couple of rolled marijuana cigarettes.

I don't want to kick her out of the house over this or start a massive fight with her, but at the same time I feel tremendously disrespected that she has broken my rules so blatantly. What do you advise? — Concerned Mother, via email

CONCERNED MOTHER: Absolutely speak openly and honestly to her about this. Mention what you have smelled and what you noticed in her room. If there is a diplomatic way to explain how you came across it, do your best to explain your discovery in the most low-key manner possible.

As you yourself stated, you do not want to make her vacate your home over this, but you don't want this behavior going on behind your back. At 19, she's an adult and can make her own decisions in life, but at the same time she's living under your roof and should respect your rules regarding your residence.

Do your best to get her to understand things from your point of view and ask her not to bring substances you don't approve of into the home. She's likely to continue smoking when she's out on her own, so perhaps she will agree to not bring any such substances into your home.

From there, you have a decision to make. If she persists, you either do have to ask her to leave or simply not make this an issue upon which you wish to end her living with you. The choice is yours, so decide in advance what you wish to do and be ready to live with the results either way.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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