DR. WALLACE: Our daughter has made some new friends at her new high school. Some of them have been to our house and they seem to be ok kids, but I don't know much about them. When I start asking our daughter about any of her friends she becomes defensive and reminds me that she knows how to choose her friends and that she doesn't need any interference from me.
Should I trust her ability to choose friends who have good moral character, or should I do all I can to find out for myself? I want to be a good mom and do everything possible to see that our daughter does not associate with girls who lack moral character because I am well aware of peer pressure. — Mom, Kansas City, Mo.
MOM: Parents should not choose friends for their teens but should know as much as possible about the friends their teens choose to hang around with. Indeed, peer pressure is a powerful force and can cause a teen to get "involved" because the teen wants to be part of a group, even if the group has members who could have negative influences.
At all times, be watching out for your daughter's welfare and do, within reason, whatever it takes to keep her welfare secure. The better you know your daughter's friends, the better you can evaluate their character.
It's not easy being a good parent, but when you are a good parent, your child benefits.
IT'S TIME FOR MOM TO FUNCTION WITHOUT YOU
DR. WALLACE: I am 20, have a full-time job and live at home with my parents and two younger sisters. My dad is a great dad and is a good provider for his family. I love my parents very much, but sometimes my mom makes this a very difficult chore. She is a very poor household manager. She rarely drives, so she depends on me to take her to the doctor, to the cleaners, to the grocery store and everywhere else she wants to go. She constantly reminds me that she "couldn't function" without me.
My best girlfriend and I would like to get an apartment together. We have a lot in common and are very good friends. We also work for the same company. I really want to do this, but I'm concerned that my mom will indeed "fail to function" if I leave home. May I have your advice regarding this situation? — Marie, Atlantic City, NJ.
MARIE: It's time for you to let mom function without a lot of assistance from you. Believe it or not, she and your family will survive.
Stop by and see your family regularly and, whenever it's convenient, help mom do an errand. It will take a little time, but mom will take responsibility for her life. Don't forget your father may also be able to help her sometimes and it could also be that your mother will take the initiative to drive more often when she must do it herself. It's often said that necessity breeds competence, and in this case, I trust it will hold true for your mother as well. Her management skills may well end up being dusted off and recalibrated in positive new way.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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