DR. WALLACE: I'd like to respond to the parents of the 16-year-old girl who was constantly the butt of jokes from her fellow students because of her extra-long nose. They would not consider plastic surgery and my heart went out to this girl when I heard her plea for help. I'm glad you encouraged the parents to see if plastic surgery could improve her appearance and her self-esteem. Please allow me to share my experience with this girl and her parents.
When I was young I had a similar "problem." The taunts started in about fifth grade. I told my parents and they told me to just smile because if I showed that the taunting bothered me, the taunts would continue to grow worse. Smiling didn't work. By middle school the verbal abuse became worse. The remarks were frequent and very cruel. Even the girls call me names. One girl even asked me if my mother was an elephant. Then she said, "Well, if your mother wasn't an elephant, your father must've been related to Pinocchio. That's the only way you could have received such a large snout". I was crushed, but I couldn't do anything about it. I had a large nose and there was no way I could hide it. This was there for all to see and some to ridicule.
Ironically, I did enjoy school. I graduated with honors and because of my singing ability. I was voted the most talented senior in my graduation class. By the 12th grade, the cruel remarks were absent, but they were replaced with cute and clever phrases about the extraordinary length of my nose.
After graduation, I wanted my nose shortened and went to a doctor to find out about the procedure and the cost. I was surprised that the cost was less than I had anticipated. My grandmother said she would lend me the money, so I took her up on her generosity and got a "nose job" (rhinoplasty). After my recuperation period, I had turned from an "ugly, dateless duckling" into a very attractive swan.
I am now married to a wonderful, handsome husband and have two beautiful daughters. My self-esteem is sky-high. Fortunately, my daughters do not have large noses. But if they had been born with noses that were abnormally long (like mine) they would have undergone rhinoplasty at the earliest possible age.
I suffered needlessly because my parents couldn't or maybe wouldn't feel the emotional pain I was feeling. I did repay my grandmother (my dad's mom) for the money she lent me. The money spent to get my nose shortened was minuscule compared to the value I received. — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: Thanks for sharing your inspiring success story. Those who have similar concerns will be inspired by your message, and might be inspired to follow a path similar to yours.
I AGREE WITH DAD
DR. WALLACE: I'm having big problems with my parents and I need some fast advice. My dad doesn't like my clothes or my friends. My friends and I are into wearing baggy pants very low on the hips, boxer shorts sticking out of the low pants, oversized shirts with skulls and crossbones on them and hoodies. I'm in A/B student, but most of the people I hang around with don't get very good grades at all. Some of my friends have already dropped out of school, and a few more are thinking of doing the same.
My dad thinks that by wearing these clothes I don't have any self-respect. He calls my friends losers and is convinced I will eventually turn out like they are. My friends who still go to school do skip school regularly and dad thinks they will convince me to join them soon.
He said that next week he's buying me all new clothes and I'll have to throw away all my existing clothes. I don't think that is fair since I paid for all of them myself. Please give me your assessment of the situation. — Anonymous, Chicago, Ill.
ANONYMOUS: I don't blame your dad for being frustrated with your friends. From your letter, it's hard to tell what their appeal is. You seem to have little in common with them other than the clothes you are all wearing. Unlike them, you are an excellent student and have not skipped school at all to date. Is it possible you're hanging out with them mostly to push your dad's buttons?
I agree with your dad. A change of wardrobe is appropriate for you. So would a concerted effort to find friends who enjoy school and get good grades. The crowd you're presently "running with" is bound to influence you in a negative direction sooner or later, especially if you spend all your free time with them.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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