DR. WALLACE: I'm writing this letter in defense of all the wonderful stepmothers out there. We get a bad rap from the beginning. Stepchildren usually resent us from day one and, unfortunately, they quite commonly get "help" from their biological moms.

I have been a stepmom for almost five years and it has been a struggle from the beginning. When the kids were asked if they were OK with the idea of their dad and me marrying, they were all for it and wanted to attend the wedding.

The day I moved in with them after the wedding, everything changed. The ex-wife was throwing around accusations and innuendoes, before really knowing very much about me, and the kids' attitudes completely changed. I tried everything. I figured there would be an adjustment period for everyone involved, so I was patient. Even though almost five years have passed, my stepdaughter still badmouths me to all of her friends (I've overheard her). She lies about things that are said and done in our home, and my stepson seems to be doing many of the same things now.

I have always encouraged the kids and their dad to spend time together without me, maintaining that it's an important part of their relationships. Yet when things don't go their way or they don't get what they want, Stepmother is always the "bad guy," even if it's their dad who made the decision.

I've done a lot for the kids and tried very hard to deal with their attitudes and treatment, and it's exhausting. Believe me, I'm not alone. There are thousands of great stepmothers out there who are treated unfairly, too. The only avenue we have for support and advice is communication with each other, on message boards and in chat rooms.

I can only hope that the stepchildren who read this letter will have a little more compassion and understanding of just how hurtful they can be. They should consider themselves lucky to have a stepmother who loves and cares for them.

Where in the world did the notion that stepmothers are evil come from? — Stepmother, Galesburg, Ill.

STEPMOTHER: I'm sorry to hear how difficult these five years have been for you. The only consolation, perhaps, is that many families struggle during children's teen years, when separation and independence are their developmental challenges. But as a stepparent, you're an easy target — for everything.

As if that role weren't hard enough, society has added to your burden with the "evil" stereotype, traceable to the Grimm Brothers' story of Cinderella, which, of course, was given new life by Walt Disney.

It appears that you have done all you can to earn the trust and love of your stepchildren. I hope you can continue to have a positive attitude and be the very best stepmother possible to these children, even in trying situations. When they "grow up," they'll appreciate you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.