DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and live with my grandmother, who has been my guardian since the day I was born. My mother was 16 and not married when I was born. My grandmother is just like a mother to me and I love her very much. She is also a very good person and makes sure that she does everything possible for me to have a good education.

My problem is that my grandmother and my mother are not on speaking terms and never have been. In fact, I only see my mother once or twice a year. My grandmother does not approve of her lifestyle, mainly because she has had a lot of live-in boyfriends. But about a month ago, my mother got married for the first time. My grandmother and I did not attend the ceremony because we were not invited.

My mother called a couple of days ago and told me she wants to take me to dinner to meet my stepfather. She says she loves him and finally has her life in order, and now she wants me to be a part of her "new life." I asked my grandmother if I should go, and she said she is leaving it up to me. I'd also like to have your opinion, please. — Nameless, Davenport, Iowa.

NAMELESS: I don't think there's anything to be gained by perpetuating your estrangement from your mother. Accept the invitation, meet your new stepfather and determine if your mom is, indeed, sincere about her "new life." If she is truly sincere about changing her lifestyle, she will apologize profusely and not try to coerce or guilt-trip you into choosing her over your grandmother.

The best that could happen out of this situation would be reconciliation between your mother and grandmother.

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER FRIENDSHIP

DR. WALLACE: Cindy is my best friend. I moved to Oakland a year ago, and she and I hit it off really well. We are both 14 years old. Sometimes when I go over to her house, her older brother is there. He's 18 and lives in an apartment with two other guys.

My problem is that whenever Cindy leaves the room, her brother says bad things to me. I always tell him to stop, but he keeps on doing it.

This really upsets me, but I don't want to tell Cindy about it because I don't want to lose her friendship. What do you think I should do? — Sue, Oakland, Calif.

SUE: Cindy's brother is a scary, troubled guy. If he is in the house when you go to visit, don't go in. If he arrives after you are in the house, leave immediately.

I think you should tell Cindy what her brother says to you when she's not around. If she is the friend you think she is, she'll do what she can to nip this problem in the bud.

BACK OFF AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

DR. WALLACE: My best friend and I are both 16, and we have been friends for over 10 years. A few weeks ago he started dating a girl who has a bad reputation in our school. I know about this because my sister told me and she knows all about this girl's past history. I tried to warn my friend but he wouldn't listen to me.

It really makes me feel sick when I see them together because she is not good for him. Do you think I should keep encouraging him to dump her, or should I just let his reputation be destroyed, too? — Nameless, DeKalb, Ill.

NAMELESS: You have done what you thought was in your friend's best interest. It is not surprising that he didn't take your advice, but now you should just back off and keep your mouth shut about her.

You might also try being friendly and courteous to her. I'm sure your friend would appreciate it, and there is still a possibility that the rumors may be wrong. However, even if they aren't, it's really none of your business. When it comes to love, everyone has to make their own mistakes.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.