DR. WALLACE: My father caught me smoking when I was only 14. He told me (after a long lecture) that he would let me smoke when I was 17 if I quit until then.

Well, I agreed to stop immediately, and I did keep my promise. Then on my 17th birthday a few days ago, I lit up a cigarette in front of him at home, but instead of saying, "Good job, Son. You kept your promise, and now I'll keep mine, and I won't say a word when you light up."

He really surprised me when he broke his word and started ranting and raving and told me to put out the cigarette and not smoke again as long as I lived in his house. Now I'm wondering if he really wants me to move out of our house.

And I'm really disappointed that he broke his word after he made the promise to me. This is the first time he has ever broken a promise to me. I think my dad is wrong for not keeping his word. Do you agree? — Dave, Atlantic City, N.J.

DAVE: Your dad made a big mistake saying that he would allow you to smoke when you turned 17. He probably thought that getting you to postpone such a nasty habit for three years might cause you to forget about it. Obviously, he was wrong, and you didn't forget.

However, "ranting and raving" wasn't the right response and congratulating you for starting on the road to addiction and poor health wouldn't have been right either.

Dad needs to admit his mistake of three years ago, apologize, and tell you that he opposes your smoking at any age.

The fact is that smoking is a nasty, unhealthy, dirty and expensive habit. Yes, your father goofed when he said you could smoke when you turned 17. You made a bigger mistake when you lit up! I hope you will reconsider your decision and just never start this unhealthy habit.

DON'T FORGET THAT I'M THE BOSS

DR. WALLACE: I know that there's a possibility that my letter won't be printed, but I'll feel better just putting it in writing, and I have a feeling that other teens feel the same way.

Lately, I have had difficulty communicating with my mother. She used to ask me what I thought and encourage me to have an opinion about things. But now when I ask her to explain something, or ask her why she does things a certain way, we somehow get into an argument and she ends up saying, "You will do it my way, because I said so, and don't forget that I'm the boss!"

What do you think about this? — Danielle, South Bend, Ind.

DANIELLE: Parents are usually in charge, and teens should do as they are asked, but Mom and Dad also have the responsibility of setting an example and showing love and patience with their children. As far as I am concerned, "Because I said so" is never an adequate answer. Teens deserve an explanation, and wise parents provide one.

THE PURPOSE OF A GIFT IS TO GIVE JOY

DR. WALLACE: My grandmother always buys me a gift that she thinks I'll like, but I never do. My mother won't allow me to exchange the gifts because she thinks my grandmother would be disappointed if she ever found out. Last year, grandmother gave me a sweater, but I'm not the sweater type, and I have never even worn it. I knew the store where she bought it and I could have exchanged it for a sweatshirt that I really liked and would have worn often.

Do you think I'd be offending Grandma if she buys me something this year that I don't really like and I exchange it? I talked my mother into agreeing to abide by what you say (I know you will agree with me). — Nameless, St. Paul, Minn.

NAMELESS: The purpose of a gift is to give the recipient joy and happiness. You should return the gift and exchange it for something you could really enjoy.

It might also be a good idea for your mom to tell Grandma about something you saw in a store that you really liked, and suggest that she give you the item for your birthday.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.